In spite of advantage made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem?
It is
an
universal consensus that agriculture has Change the article
a
myriad
of benefits to everyone. Unfortunately, the Add an article
a myriad
emerge
of Replace the word
emergence
phenomenon
regarding Correct article usage
the phenomenon
inability
to cover Add an article
the inability
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
citizen
needs sparks a vigorous issue among countries. Some of them Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
remains
suffering from scarcity of foods, resultingChange the verb form
remain
a
problem to be addressed. Change preposition
in a
This
essay will delve Linking Words
further
Linking Words
regarding
the origin of the problems Change preposition
into
along with
potential solutions offered.
Arguably, the potential cause of Linking Words
starving
is Replace the word
starvation
population
Correct article usage
the population
boomed
. As the number of Replace the word
boom
people
Use synonyms
increase
daily, it is far harder to Change the verb form
increases
fulfill
everyone's consumption, fostering Change the spelling
fulfil
people
to fight for nutrition from Use synonyms
the
nature. Correct article usage
apply
Consequently
, because the demand Linking Words
outnumberes
the supply, the price goes up significantly, resulting Correct your spelling
outnumber
the-have-not
Change preposition
in the-have-not
becomes
unable to afford food. Wrong verb form
becoming
Further
, the process of planting needs Linking Words
period
of time. In the meantime, Add an article
a period
people
are demanding Use synonyms
for
any supply but Change preposition
apply
the
nature can be forced. Correct article usage
apply
As a result
, there is a gap Linking Words
of
Change preposition
in
fulfillment
Replace the word
fulfilling
people
's Use synonyms
request
Fix the agreement mistake
requests
of
Change preposition
for
foods
.
Apparently, it needs multifaceted solutions among parties. Fix the agreement mistake
food
First,
Linking Words
policy makers
should initiate a movement to Correct your spelling
policymakers
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
the
agriculture production by widening potential land area. Correct article usage
apply
This
way will expand the supply as the farmer can boost the harvest. Linking Words
Second,
Linking Words
scienties
should be encouraged to invent technology to speed up the plantation period. The more the plants can be harvested, the faster Correct your spelling
scientists
scientist
need
can be achieved.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
the need
inability
of Add an article
the inability
agricultural
sector to meet the demand Add an article
the agricultural
is
came from Unnecessary verb
apply
increasing
population and Correct article usage
the increasing
gap
Correct article usage
the gap
of
Change preposition
in
planting
period. Correct article usage
the planting
Linking Words
This
issues can be settled by Correct determiner usage
These
involvement
of higher Add an article
the involvement
authority
and Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
scientiest
to work together Correct your spelling
scientist
scientists
finding
the walkarounds.Change the verb form
to find
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay presents a logical structure, but the development of ideas could be improved. Aim for clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences that fully explain and develop the topic sentence. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more effectively crafted. The introduction should clearly paraphrase the question and introduce the main ideas of the essay. The conclusion should summarise the key points made and restate the thesis, providing a clear sense of closure.
Coherence & Cohesion
Main points are indicated, albeit loosely supported. To enhance cohesion, utilize a wider range of linking devices to connect ideas within and across sentences. This would make the argument more persuasive and the progression of ideas easier to follow.
Task Achievement
While you address the task, the response could be further developed. Be sure to fully answer all parts of the question to demonstrate a complete understanding of the task. Offer a deeper analysis of the causes and solutions to the problem discussed.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are relevant but need to be explained in more depth. Try to elaborate on each point you make, providing clear explanations or examples to support your arguments. This will help to create a more comprehensive and thoughtful essay.
Task Achievement
The essay lacks specific examples to support the ideas presented. Specific examples are effective in illustrating and supporting your points. Try to include real-world examples or case studies that are relevant to the topic for a stronger task response.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example