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Band 5

Nowadays, a lot of people use credit cards for online shopping. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #credit #cards
It is a fact that
people
 make
payments
 by credit
cards
 for purchasing stuff on the internet rather than cash recently.
This
 essay will explain the positive and negative impacts of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bank
card
 usage behaviour. We cannot deny that the number of
people
 who use charge
cards
 for shopping is increasing since there are some advantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. First of all, it is the most convenient method for spending nowadays
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for online shopping. On top of that, the amount of
payments
 can easily be checked in the bank account application which ones normally download on their mobile phones.
Thus
, it is the real-time checking
whether
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
 the
payments
 are successfully approved or
the
Correct word choice
whether the
show examples
 purchase amounts are correct or not.
As a result
,
this
 can avoid the mistakes that occur from buying suddenly.
Nevertheless
, using credit
cards
 is like spending future money. When
people
 cannot control themselves in shopping, It can cause problems
such
 as overspending or accumulated debt in the long run.
Additionally
, once we put the
card
 information on the internet, it is easy for the scammers to hack those secret databases.
Then
, the bank
card
 limits are not secured anymore.
For instance
, there is some news about hackers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
getting one’s
card
 info for buying random stuff regularly. It would be a big loss
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if a person cannot cancel those illegal
payments
 on time. In conclusion, even though
people
 tend to use charge
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
 more, notes and coins still play
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vital role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 daily life.
In particular
, when we buy something from shops that do not provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
card
 services, we still need cash
for buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
.
Thus
,
people
 should carry both cash and credit
cards
 in their wallet.
Submitted by sasi.jariyasirikul on

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Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, ensure that your argument is balanced, covering both sides of the issue with equal depth. Expand your range of specific examples to support your points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, strive to present ideas more cohesively by improving transitions and ensuring paragraphing is logical. Ensure your introduction sets out a clear position and the conclusion effectively summarizes the argument.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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