Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Many processed foods and drinks have a large amount of sugar resulting in
health
deterioration
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
many people. A suggested method to lessen the consumption of sugar is making it more expensive. I strongly disagree with
this
approach as it
is violating
Wrong verb form
violates
show examples
the right of humans to choose their diet and I do not believe it will produce satisfactory results. To commence with, it is unethical to charge more money on sugary products.
Since all
Correct word choice
All
show examples
people of all socio-economic
status
Fix the agreement mistake
statuses
show examples
deserve the right to choose their destiny whether they want to care for their
health
or not.
Otherwise
, Only rich people will have that luxury. To explain, if the prices were
risen
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to rise
show examples
, adults and children of lower incomes would not be able to buy manufactured food and,
as a result
, it would not create justice in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Moreover
, The notion of caring for your
health
should be a personal decision in order to be effective. In more detail, a person needs to be convinced to do something good for their physical well-being, not forced to do it
due to
the high prices.
For example
, if a parent prohibited a child
to eat
Change preposition
from eating
show examples
a certain type of candy, he would eat more of different sweets to compensate for what is missing. In conclusion, I am all against forcing citizens to take care of their
health
. The reason for
that is
this
method of solving the problem is unprofessional since it will deprive them
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
choosing
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction laying out your opinion, followed by coherent paragraphs that support your stance, and an unambiguous conclusion summarizing your points.
coherence cohesion
Develop your ideas more fully with relevant examples and explanations to support each main point.
task achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the task. The conclusion in this essay is incomplete and does not sufficiently summarize your reasoning.
task achievement
Your main ideas need to be clearly comprehensive. Provide specific examples that are directly linked to the key idea in each paragraph.

Word Count

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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