Although many countries are becoming richer, these societies still have members who are poor and struggle each day to survive. why do you think this happens and what can wealthy societies do to help their poorer citizens ?
Proponents advocate for Internet-based
courses
, while
opponents argue that university-based courses
are more effective. Despite the conveniences of online classes, I strongly assert that in-person learning tends to be more fruitful.
Online courses
indeed offer significant advantages. They cater to students residing in far-off places and across different time zones, negating the need for costly and time-consuming school commutes. This
flexibility minimizes risks associated with disease transmission and travel-related accidents. However
, online learning presents drawbacks, including eye strain caused by prolonged screen exposure and a relatively inferior quality of learning compared to the depth of engagement found in in-person classes.
Conversely
, university-based courses
hold substantial advantages. They provide a more comprehensive learning experience, fostering a wide array of skills crucial for future professional endeavors
, Change the spelling
endeavours
such
as communication, presentation, discussion, and analytical thinking. Additionally
, studying at a university surpasses home learning due to
the multitude of facilities available, notably expansive libraries and computer resources that offer a depth of knowledge inaccessible at home. Moreover
, universities house expert lecturers and mentors who play a pivotal role in guiding students toward achieving their educational aspirations.
Furthermore
, in-person learning allows for more effective collaboration among students, facilitating in-depth discussions and peer-to-peer learning, an aspect often limited in online settings. The networking opportunities and social interactions inherent in university environments also
contribute significantly to a student's holistic growth and development.
In conclusion, it is evident that university-based courses
stand out from Internet-based ones due to
the enriched learning environment, superior facilities, and the depth of engagement and interaction they offer. Strengthening these points further
reinforces the argument for the advantages of in-person classes over online courses
.Submitted by pumin.t on
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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the prompt provided. The topic presented was about the persistence of poverty in wealthy nations and how to mitigate it, but your essay discusses the merits of online versus university-based courses, which is unrelated to the prompt. It is crucial that you remain on topic to achieve a higher score in Task Achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop a clear and logical structure throughout your essay to enhance coherence. While your essay has an introduction and conclusion, the body paragraphs should precisely support the main idea presented in the introduction. Additionally, use cohesive devices appropriately to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
Task Achievement
Back up your main points with relevant examples and evidence. Since the provided essay strayed from the topic of discussion, the examples were not pertinent. When discussing the topic of wealth disparity and helping poorer citizens, specific examples of interventions or social programs would have been appropriate to support your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
