Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, spending too much
time
on smartphones
some children
can cause concerns for their parents. Overall
, the variety of attractive media
in social media
and many online classes
caused some children
to spend hours on their smartphones
. In my view, it is a negative aspect which can affect the children
's goals and bring some health problems for them.
Initially
, social media
have lots of attractive things which encourage some children
to use it. children
usually love fun and happy media
owing to the use of some apps on their smartphones
. For instance
, Instagram have
an item called "Explore". Change the verb form
has
This
item usually brings a lot
of stunning and attractive media
for children
. they don't want to put down their smartphone anymore and prefer to spend a lot
of time
on the item. Further
, occasionally teachers would rather start their classes
on online platformes
and Correct your spelling
platforms
children
must attend their classes
which usually take a long such
as starting classes
during the coronavirus.
According to
point of my view, this
situation is a negative aspect for children
because spending a long time
on online platforms, not
only Add a missing verb
is not
brings
overbearing for Verb problem
apply
children
but also
can cause some health problems for them. For example
, it can impact children
's eyes because human eyes are sensitive, and then
they will gradually weaken,so their parents must pay a lot
of money to buy glasses. In addition
, there are some action films which are really aggressive, over-effecting, and harmful. children
usually watch them on their smartphones
, and then
it can influence their behaviour and their morality.
To sum up
, some attractive media
and a lot
of educational classes
can cause children
to use their smartphones
for too much time
, and in my view, it is a negative aspect, because it can bring some health problems and changes in their behaviours.Submitted by ziba.gharehnazifam on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by organizing your essay into well-defined paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Your essay shows an attempt at this but lacks a smooth transition between points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to maintain flow within and between paragraphs. Aim to make the connections between ideas more explicit.
Task Achievement
Address the task fully by exploring both views presented in the prompt. You've provided reasons for the negative development but have not explored the positive aspects sufficiently.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with specific examples. Your essay mentions general scenarios but can benefit from actual examples or data to support your statements.
Coherence and Cohesion
Conclude your essay effectively by summarizing the main points and restating your opinion. Your conclusion could be strengthened with a more decisive statement.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.