IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #enrol #university #situation
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It is often argued that more young
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to enrol in
work
Use synonyms
-based training
instead
Linking Words
 of
university
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 situation has its pros and cons
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that youth know if they choose coaching in
work
Use synonyms
, they have more chances in
this
Linking Words
king
Correct your spelling
kind
show examples
 of
work
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 if they choose
university
Use synonyms
 they can expand their knowledge and choose
another sources
Replace the adjective
another source
other sources
show examples
 of income. On the one hand, young
people
Use synonyms
 are
curios
Correct your spelling
curious
show examples
 about the world. They would like to have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 salary and try to find
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 way for
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 decided to
choose
Add the particle
choose to
show examples
 enrol in
Use synonyms
work-based
Correct article usage
a work-based
show examples
.
Its
Correct your spelling
It
show examples
 makes sense when they
now
Correct your spelling
know
show examples
 that they want to
work
Use synonyms
 exactly in
this
Linking Words
 company. After
such
Linking Words
training
Add a comma
training,
show examples
 youth can count on more money
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they improve their capabilities in the chosen field.
Its
Correct your spelling
It's
show examples
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 advantage for them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when young
people
Use synonyms
 choose
enrol
Add the particle
to enrol
show examples
 in
work
Use synonyms
-based
instead
Linking Words
 of attending
university
Use synonyms
, they
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their chances for expanding their knowledge about
another jobs
Replace the adjective
another job
other jobs
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, they lock themselves into one type of
work
Use synonyms
 performance which is
drawback
Add an article
a drawback
show examples
. As we know, when young
people
Use synonyms
 choose attitude
university
Use synonyms
,
perspective
Correct pronoun usage
their perspective
show examples
 for good jobs
are increase
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
, but
people
Use synonyms
 have to wait more time before they find their
drem
Correct your spelling
dream
 job. For some
people
Use synonyms
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
waist
Correct your spelling
waste
show examples
 of time, but I can’t agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
To conclude
Linking Words
, in my opinion
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 situation do not
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the disadvantages.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
show examples
 always good to expand your knowledge and broaden your horizons in
another fields
Replace the adjective
another field
other fields
show examples
 of jobs. When youth graduate
Use synonyms
university
Change preposition
from university
show examples
 they have
Correct article usage
a wide-range
show examples
wide-range
Correct your spelling
wide range
show examples
 of
prospectives
Correct your spelling
prospects
show examples
.
Submitted by a.swietochowska11 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure to your essay with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs. Connect your ideas smoothly and sequence them logically.
coherence cohesion
Introductory and concluding paragraphs should clearly outline your position and summarize your main points, respectively. Both need to be clearly present and well-defined.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with relevant examples and explanations to strengthen your argument. Avoid general statements without specific illustrative examples.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by providing a full response to the prompt. Include both advantages and disadvantages, and justify why one outweighs the other.
task achievement
Present clear and comprehensive ideas that directly relate to the question. Make your opinion clear, provide balanced arguments, and use paragraphing to present ideas logically.
task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples to support your ideas and demonstrate an understanding of the topic. Generic statements should be supported by concrete details.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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