IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people say that tourism has many negative effects on the countries that people travel to. How true is this statement? What can tourists do to reduce the harmful effects of tourism on local cultures and environment?

#people #tourism #effects #countries #travel #tourists #cultures #environment
There are many negative impacts on countries from
tourism
.
Tourists
 do many things that negatively affect local culture and the environment. In my opinion, I agree with
this
 statement about
tourism
. There are two problems from
tourists
 which affect the local area. One big drawback of
of
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
local
tourism
 and
tourism
 is that
tourists
 bring many negative effects to the environment. Travellers need to comply with regulations and not litter indiscriminately. Tourist areas should
reminds
Change the verb form
remind
show examples
 their passengers not to throw trash, causing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harmful effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the environments
show examples
environments
Fix the agreement mistake
environment
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
tourists
also
 affect local cultures
such
 as some traditional festivals or statues are paid by
tourists
 to see and take pictures.
Therefore
, it lost its
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
 and remained just an interesting place for
tourism
. I think travellers should respect local culture and just watch it when they have
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
. In conclusion,
tourism
 has many negative effects on the local areas but It still
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some advantages for countries.
Submitted by tonykim09 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You need to work on the logical structure of your essay. It transitions abruptly between ideas, making it hard to follow. A clear introductory sentence at the beginning of each paragraph could help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they should be more distinguished and developed. They need to clearly state the topic, your position, and summarise the main points of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed explanations and examples. Your ideas are currently too general and need to be fleshed out to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Make sure to answer all parts of the question. You addressed the negative effects of tourism and provided brief suggestions for tourists, but your response lacks depth. Explain these ideas further and consider both sides of the argument for a higher score.
task achievement
Your ideas should be clearer and more comprehensive. Try to develop each point fully before moving to the next. Each paragraph should have one main idea that is thoroughly explained and supported.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your arguments. The examples given are too vague and do not convincingly support your claims. Use concrete cases or statistics to strengthen your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: