IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that using animal for experiment is cruel but other people think that it is necessary for the development of science.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Scientists use
animals
Use synonyms
 for their scientific experiments.
Although
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 some elites find
this
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 method violent, others believe
this
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 is required to level up science. I reckon
this
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 approach is beneficial because they are the best alternatives
of
Change preposition
to
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 human testing
as well as
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 the only available candidates in many cases.
However
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, there are some drawbacks.
To begin
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 with,
animals
Use synonyms
 are the best replacement for human beings in experiments. If researchers do not conduct their tests on
animals
Use synonyms
, they would have to take them on humans
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 would be by far more cruel. For
exmaple
Correct your spelling
example
, Imagine an institution looking for a new medicine for children's mental disorders. They can easily test their new medicines on rabbits
instead
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 of
new born
Correct your spelling
newborn
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 babies.
Moreover
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, finding volunteers for
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 is a challenging task. When a treatment has not passed
required
Correct article usage
the required
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 certifications, people are highly unlikely to take it. In
former
Add an article
the former
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 given example, parents never take the risks of testing new drugs on their kids.
As a result
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, If the researchers could not test their products, they would not find the right one.
Therefore
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,
animals
Use synonyms
 are the best candidates. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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,
animals
Use synonyms
also
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 deserve to live. For
sake
Correct article usage
the sake
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 of our benefits, we should not put them in jail.
For instance
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, many
animals
Use synonyms
 are grown in labs only for medical tests.
As a consequence
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, never live free and enjoy their lives.
Furthermore
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, these tests have a wide range of
unkonwn
Correct your spelling
unknown
 side effects that may bring about a lifetime disability for the used
animals
Use synonyms
.
This
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 means,
using
Correct word choice
that using
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 is equal to
sacrifice
Wrong verb form
sacrificing
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 them for human beings
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is brutal. In conclusion, using
animals
Use synonyms
 for scientific experiments is not cruel. Not only do they are the best replacement
of
Change preposition
for
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 human beings but
also
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 there would be no other candidate for
many researches
Fix the agreement mistake
much research
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. And, drawbacks
includings
Correct your spelling
including
 taking the
animals
Use synonyms
' right
for living
Change preposition
to live
show examples
as well as
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 sacrificing them cannot outweigh the benefits.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a recognisable structure, but it could benefit from clearer paragraphing and better progression of ideas. Consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main points, and make sure each subsequent sentence elaborates on that point. Your conclusion needs to be strengthened to succinctly summarise the discussions from throughout the essay.
task achievement
While you have addressed both views of the topic, your arguments sometimes appear to be more like general statements rather than fully developed ideas supported by specific examples. Strive to include at least one clear, relevant example in each paragraph, and delve deeper into analyzing the implications, which will contribute to a more comprehensive response. Also, make sure your own opinion is clearly stated and justified.
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