Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

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Nowadays,

music

is one form of art that can be enjoyed and bring happiness around the world. Some

people

say that

music

is a good option to connect

people

of different

cultures

and

ages

. I absolutely agree with that statement and will discuss it in

this

essay.

To begin

with,

music

can be enjoyed with different

cultures

and

ages

to complete cultural

performance

Fix the agreement mistake

performances

show examples

and

events

. In some

cultures

music

also

becomes a musical instrument to support dances and other art performances.

For instance

, Jaipong, a traditional dance from Indonesia, uses

music

as a tool to accompany the performance.

This

is because many

people

believe

music

backgrounds would engage multi-

cultures

and

ages

to enjoy the shows.

Additionally

, we

also

see that

music

also

Rephrase

apply

show examples

plays important roles in our daily occasions

such

as wedding celebrations, birthdays and festive

events

to liven up

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

events

For example

, in the wedding event, organizers would tune

music

with love nuances so those who attended whether they are from different

ages

and

cultures

can enjoy the event. Other than that,

music

has become a cross-promotion culture around the world. Currently, Korea has successfully influenced other nations with

K-Pop

Correct your spelling

K-pop

show examples

music

K-Pop

Correct your spelling

K-pop

show examples

with many singers and idols from Korea has proven that

music

even with languages that we have not heard before can connect

people

with different

cultures

and

ages

. Some K-Pop concerts in Indonesia,

for example

, attract many visitors ranging from young and older

people

and different ethnicities in Indonesia come to the concert.

Moreover

, some of them who are influenced try to find out more about

music

and culture in Korea.

To sum up

music

can connect

people

with

Change preposition

show examples

various

ages

and

cultures

. It has been proven not only as

complementary

Correct article usage

a complementary

show examples

tools

Fix the agreement mistake

tool

show examples

for cultural shows and

events

but

also

cultural

Correct article usage

a cultural

show examples

promotion to other countries.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Sun Jan 07 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay demonstrated a clear structure, and the introduction and conclusion are present and effective. However, work on enhancing the connections between your main points for a more cohesive argument.

task achievement

You addressed the task well with a complete response and clear comprehensive ideas. To improve, try providing more specific examples to support your claims, as the current examples could be elaborated on further for a higher score.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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