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some people believe that all students should be made to have unpaid job in their free time.Do you agree or disagree?

#people #students #job #time
In
this
 day and age, there has been controversy about whether
students
 should apply for voluntary
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 during their leisure period or they should just learn new skills and activities in idle time. From my perspective, I completely agree with
notion
Add an article
the notion
a notion
show examples
 and
this
 essay explains my reasons in the
forecoming
Correct your spelling
forthcoming
 paragraphs.
To begin
 with, all
students
 should take
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
into consideration that being a
student
 is not only about studying and passing exams but
also
 gaining new knowledge and
experience
.
In other words
, schools do not provide
students
 with
Correct article usage
the neccessary
show examples
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 skills for their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Firstly
, one of the best
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 for
this
 issue is
applying
Change the verb form
to apply
show examples
 for unpaid
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in companies which do not require a specific educational level and
experience
. In Universities,
for example
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 one compulsory course in each major which is called
Internship
Correct article usage
an Internship
show examples
 and it is all about doing
voluntary
Correct article usage
a voluntary
show examples
job
 in
related
Add an article
a related
show examples
 company with the
students
' major. In detail, for aerospace engineering,
students
 should take their internship course in airlines.
Thus
, from these mandatory
Fix the agreement mistake
lectures
show examples
lecture
Add a comma
lecture,
show examples
undergradute
Correct your spelling
undergraduate
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 are capable of working in
big
Add an article
the big
a big
show examples
 and well-paid
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
.
Secondly
, nowadays, one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 most important requirements for applying
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 big companies is having two or three years
related
Change preposition
of related
show examples
job
experience
.
In addition
, it is impossible for
those
Change the determiner
that student
those students
show examples
student
 who just graduated from university or school to have a professional resume.
Furthermore
,
this
 idea which
make
Verb problem
gives
show examples
student
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
have unpaid
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 during their studying or even their free time will
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 them
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
. The more
experience
 ones have the more
job
 opportunities will they face in future.
For instance
, those who went
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 work in their school season,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could start their career as soon as possible without any gap which is happen
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the lack of
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
.
Hence
, even unsalaried
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 can teach and take people lots of abilities. In conclusion, as iI mentioned in the previous paragraphs,I think parents in the first step and
then
Correct article usage
the schools
show examples
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
ministery
Correct your spelling
ministry
minister
 should take
this
 responsibility to force the teenagers to work in these situations and make their resume professional for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
the
 future.
Submitted by sh.sharifpour79 on

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introduction conclusion present
While your essay does have an introduction and a conclusion, the introduction could be strengthened by presenting a clearer thesis statement that explicitly states your position on the prompt.
logical structure
The logical progression of ideas can be improved by creating more distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences and conclusive sentences that summarize the argument presented within the paragraph.
supported main points
Support your main points with specific, detailed examples. Instead of discussing situations in general terms, share anecdotes, data, or any relevant scenario that can substantiate your arguments.
complete response
Address the prompt directly and ensure that you respond to all aspects of the task. Explore both sides of the argument if the prompt requires it, and make sure your position is clear and maintained throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Aim to express your ideas clearly and cohesively. This involves organizing your essay into paragraphs that each discuss one central idea, connected with transitional phrases and clearly linked to the main argument of the essay.
relevant specific examples
Using specific examples will help illustrate your points and add credibility to your argument. When possible, include figures, names, places, or events that are directly related to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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