some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In
contemporary
era, technology improves rapidly. Add an article
the contemporary
That is
why people spend their Linking Words
times
on technological devices, Fix the agreement mistake
time
such
as Linking Words
smartphones
. Use synonyms
Although
it is Linking Words
common
Change the word
commonly
to
used by every age Change preposition
apply
groups
, Fix the agreement mistake
group
children
are more likely to waste their time on Use synonyms
smartphones
. I firmly believe that, even though it is harmful Use synonyms
for
Change the preposition
to
children
’s socialization and development with the explosion of technology globally kids tend to spend their time online
On the one hand, it is irrefutable that Use synonyms
world’s
trend changes quickly. Correct article usage
the world’s
For instance
, Linking Words
children
used to spend Use synonyms
times
outside with their friends. Fix the agreement mistake
time
However
, nowadays they Linking Words
are tend
to communicate Change the verb form
tend
each
other Change preposition
with each
on
online. They don’t prefer to play outside Change preposition
apply
instead
of Linking Words
this
they spend Linking Words
times
playing with Fix the agreement mistake
time
phones
. Use synonyms
According to
researchers, Linking Words
children
who spend 4 hours or above on Use synonyms
smartphones
daily tend to have mental problems in the future, Use synonyms
such
as anxiety. Because Linking Words
phones
Use synonyms
gives
them instant joy when they stop using their devices, they quickly feel lonely. Change the verb form
give
Unfortunately
it is impossible to keep Add a comma
Unfortunately,
children
away Use synonyms
Use synonyms
phones
because of new world needs.
Change preposition
from phones
On the other hand
, it is obvious that using Linking Words
phones
more than it should be Use synonyms
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
Use synonyms
children
body health in the future. Change noun form
children's
For instance
, cancer is the most common disease Linking Words
around
Change preposition
among
the
young people. Correct article usage
apply
According to
Turkish Doctors, Linking Words
smartphones
Use synonyms
spreads
radiation every second even when we don’t use them. Correct subject-verb agreement
spread
Moreover
, radiation causes cancer in Linking Words
long
term. Correct article usage
the long
Furthermore
, Linking Words
smartphones
Use synonyms
has
disadvantages for pupil’s Change the verb form
have
geade
at school. It is shown that students who haven’t mobile devices are Correct your spelling
grade
grades
successful
than others.
In conclusion. Even though in Correct quantifier usage
more successful
globalized
world technology is so common and everybody uses Correct article usage
a globalized
smartphones
, it doesn’t change how harmful it Use synonyms
to
our Add a missing verb
is to
life
.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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Introduction/Conclusion Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should set the stage for the discussion, while the conclusion should clearly summarize your stance and the points discussed.
Linking/Paragraph Structure
Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument, and structure your essay so that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed and supported.
Task Response
Address both parts of the prompt in equal measure. In your essay, you need to discuss both why children spend hours on smartphones and whether this is a positive or negative development.
Supporting Examples
Support your main points with relevant examples or evidence. The use of personal experience can be effective if related directly to the question and elaborated upon to support your argument.
Grammatical Range/Accuracy
Work on grammatical range and accuracy. Your essay contains several grammatical errors that can hinder the clarity of your message. Consistent practice and review of grammar rules will help improve your writing.
Coherence
Check the coherence of your essay. Your arguments should be logical and progress naturally from one to the next. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and all sentences should contribute to this idea.