IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that cinemas will one day close due to the popularity of online streaming services for films and series. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #cinemas #popularity #services #films #series
In
this
 present world, because of the rise of technology, online streaming has become popular in society.
Whereas
 some individuals argue that
cinemas
 will never
replaced
Change the verb form
be replaced
show examples
 by them. I strongly disagree with
this
 statement because
cinemas
 have different sensations for their audiences. As far as I am concerned, in the digital era individuals can open online streaming easier on their mobile phones or laptop but there are many films that are not available on it.
For example
, Netflix or Amazon are the most popular media streaming that provides many titles but sometimes we can not get the title that we need.
Thus
, cinema is necessary for some
people
 who need the newest movies or films.
On the other hand
,
cinemas
 give their audiences many facilities that we will never get from online streaming
such
 as comfortable situations, good sound, lighting and
also
 comfortable chairs.
In addition
,
people
 want to spend time with their families or friends
hence
 they need some places that give them relaxation
such
 as for individuals who work in the office
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when they feel bored and need to refresh and share their experiences with each other so
cinemas
 being one of recommended place to do it. In conclusion, the digital era
makes
Verb problem
allows
show examples
 some
people
 can watch movies or films that they want anytime and anywhere by using online streaming but it does not mean can completely replace
cinemas
. Because some
people
 make
cinemas
 as the comfortable places to spend time with families and friends just to refresh or leave their daily routine.
Submitted by aninratnasari on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on creating a clear and logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Aim for well-structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences that guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Include an unambiguous introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly state your position on the topic while the conclusion should effectively summarize your main points and restate your thesis.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each main point is supported by relevant examples or explanations. This adds credibility and strength to your argument.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring you fully answer the question. Clearly state your opinion and provide adequate support for your arguments.
task achievement
Your ideas should be presented clearly and developed comprehensively. They should be easy to follow and understand.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments wherever possible. Avoid vague statements and ensure that the examples you provide are directly relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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