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Band 5

Many teenagers now have their smart phones. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your opinion.

#teenagers #phones
With the development of electronic technology, individuals can live a more comfortable life than ever. It is widely accepted that everyone uses smartphones in their daily lives, and most
teenagers
also
 have smartphones.
This
 phenomenon has several advantages and disadvantages, and I think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Having a smartphone can benefit
teenagers
 to some extent.
Above all
, students can study or watch movies regardless of their time and place by using their cell phones. Young
people
 can save time and that makes them a more convenient life.
Second,
when
teenagers
 have questions, they can search for
information
 on the Internet through their phones without having to ask their teachers in person.
In addition
,
it is clear that
 using cell phones for communication has a positive effect on young
people
's reading and writing abilities. When young
people
 use electronics to communicate, they can read a wide range of content faster, and they naturally get many opportunities to process a lot of
information
.
However
, we should not dismiss the disadvantages it can bring about.
Although
 an increased use of electronic technology has allowed
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to access a wide range of
information
 all around the world, young
people
 have to deal with much
information
that is
 created everywhere in a critical way.
However
, it is common that more youngsters tend not to have good critical thinking since they have to deal with much
information
 consistently.
Moreover
, young
people
 are likely to be distracted easily since there are many functions in the electronic gadget. Especially, some convenient functions of the devices make them independent and they may not know proper spellings or punctuations without
auto correction
Add a hyphen
auto-correction
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 functions. In conclusion, the development of electronic technology has enabled young
people
 to read and write about various topics more easily and confidently, and
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 some youngsters lack critical thinking or do not know accurate spelling or punctuation. Eventually,
teenagers
 might
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rely on mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and they do
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 know survive without
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 phone. Given all, schools or parents’ close guidelines about the efficient use of
such
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 is strongly required.
Submitted by gnlwnww on

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coherence cohesion
While the essay presents a logical structure overall, it would benefit from clearer transitions between ideas to enhance readability. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the thesis could be stronger and the conclusion more decisive.
task achievement
The response does address the task, introducing both advantages and disadvantages, but the ideas could be more fully developed with specific examples to support the points made. Establish a clearer opinion throughout the essay to show a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Smartphones
  • Instant access
  • Educational apps
  • Enhanced communication
  • Navigation
  • Tech skills
  • Distraction
  • Productivity
  • Inappropriate content
  • Cyberbullying
  • Privacy concerns
  • Overreliance
  • Social skills
  • Double-edged sword
  • Responsibly
  • Mitigate
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