Many manufacturd food and drinks contain high levels of sugar,which causes many health problems.Sugary products should be made more expensive o encourage peopleto consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#manufacturd #food #drinks #levels #sugar #health #products #peopleto

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this

Linking Words

contemporary era, the amount of

sugar

Use synonyms

intake by

people

Use synonyms

is becoming a serious health concern because it leads to various problems

such

Linking Words

as diabetes.

However

Linking Words

, it is believed by some individuals that the cost of sweet

products

Use synonyms

need

Correct subject-verb agreement

needs

show examples

to be increased in order to cope

Linking Words

this

Change preposition

with this

show examples

issue.

This

Linking Words

essay intends to elaborate the reasons why I completely disagree with

this

Linking Words

notion, in upcoming paragraphs.

Firstly

Linking Words

, most of the population in the world is below the poverty line and they cannot afford expensive food.

Thus

Linking Words

, in order to fulfil their daily needs they eat whatever is in their budget. For those

people

Use synonyms

eating sugary

products

Use synonyms

is not an option but a necessity because donuts,

cupcakes

Correct word choice

and cupcakes

show examples

are less expensive as compared to fresh vegetables and fruits.

Hence

Linking Words

, if the price of these goods

would be

Wrong verb form

show examples

high,

then

Linking Words

they will not be able to feed their families.

Secondly

Linking Words

, there are numerous industries

who

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

are based on these sugary

products

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as bakeries,

beverage

Correct article usage

the beverage

show examples

industry and many more; if these

products

Use synonyms

would be

Verb problem

are

show examples

expensive

then

Linking Words

it will eventually decrease their sale.

Further

Linking Words

, the small businesses will not be able to survive

this

Linking Words

change and

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

be out of business shortly. Probing

further

Linking Words

, increasing price is not a solution to

this

Linking Words

problem,

Linking Words

instead

Add a comma

instead,

show examples

people

Use synonyms

should be made aware

about

Change preposition

show examples

the detrimental effects of sweet goods. Obesity is one

such

Linking Words

example. If a person eats

large

Correct article usage

a large

show examples

surplus of

sugar

Use synonyms

, they can become obese and will have diabetes.

Thus

Linking Words

, to make

people

Use synonyms

knowledgeable,

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

should

held

Change the verb form

hold

show examples

seminars for all ages of

people

Use synonyms

, where they need to encourage human beings to live a healthy life by doing yoga, running, joining

gym

Correct article usage

a gym

show examples

etc.

Thus

Linking Words

, these steps will automatically decrease the

sugar

Use synonyms

intake of individuals.

To conclude

Linking Words

, it can be inferred from the above

conbafulation

Correct your spelling

confabulation

that raising the price is not

Correct article usage

the

show examples

ultimate solution to overcome the problem of

sugar

Use synonyms

intake. So, to overcome

this

Linking Words

issue completely,

people

Use synonyms

and government should make efforts collectively to educate

people

Use synonyms

about having a balanced diet which contains

required

Add an article

the required

show examples

amount of carbohydrates, fats,

vitamin

Fix the agreement mistake

vitamins

show examples

, protein, and

sugar

Use synonyms

because excess of anything is dangerous.

Submitted by bhullarsimran2121 on Mon Jan 08 2024

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task achievement

For a higher score in Task Achievement, make sure to fully address all parts of the task. Your essay must not only state your position but also develop it fully with supporting ideas and examples.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing skillfully to manage coherence and cohesion. Ensure that your ideas logically flow from one to the next, and work on smoother transitions between points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

351 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

manufactured food and drinks
high levels of sugar
health problems
sugary products
consume less sugar
public health benefits
obesity rates
diabetes and heart disease
behavioral economics
healthier alternatives
economic implications
generate additional revenue
consumer freedom
dietary choices
socioeconomic impact
low-income individuals
education and awareness
financial penalties

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Many manufacturd food and drinks contain high levels of sugar,which causes many health problems.Sugary products should be made more expensive o encourage peopleto consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion?

Some people think residents should keep their streets clean and tidy while others say it is government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodmaking should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Television is dangerous because it destroys family life and any sense of community; instead of visiting people or talking with our family, we just watch television. To what extent fo you agree or disagree with this opinion?