Many manufacturd food and drinks contain high levels of sugar,which causes many health problems.Sugary products should be made more expensive o encourage peopleto consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
In
this
contemporary era, the amount of sugar
intake by people
is becoming a serious health concern because it leads to various problems such
as diabetes. However
, it is believed by some individuals that the cost of sweet products
need
to be increased in order to cope Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
this
issue. Change preposition
with this
This
essay intends to elaborate the reasons why I completely disagree with this
notion, in upcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
, most of the population in the world is below the poverty line and they cannot afford expensive food. Thus
, in order to fulfil their daily needs they eat whatever is in their budget. For those people
eating sugary products
is not an option but a necessity because donuts, cupcakes
are less expensive as compared to fresh vegetables and fruits. Correct word choice
and cupcakes
Hence
, if the price of these goods would be
high, Wrong verb form
is
then
they will not be able to feed their families.
Secondly
, there are numerous industries who
are based on these sugary Correct pronoun usage
that
products
such
as bakeries, beverage
industry and many more; if these Correct article usage
the beverage
products
would be
expensive Verb problem
are
then
it will eventually decrease their sale. Further
, the small businesses will not be able to survive this
change and would
be out of business shortly.
Probing Wrong verb form
will
further
, increasing price is not a solution to this
problem, instead
Add a comma
instead,
people
should be made aware about
the detrimental effects of sweet goods. Obesity is one Change preposition
of
such
example. If a person eats large
surplus of Correct article usage
a large
sugar
, they can become obese and will have diabetes. Thus
, to make people
knowledgeable, government
should Add an article
the government
held
seminars for all ages of Change the verb form
hold
people
, where they need to encourage human beings to live a healthy life by doing yoga, running, joining gym
etc. Correct article usage
a gym
Thus
, these steps will automatically decrease the sugar
intake of individuals.
To conclude
, it can be inferred from the above conbafulation
that raising the price is not Correct your spelling
confabulation
a
ultimate solution to overcome the problem of Correct article usage
the
sugar
intake. So, to overcome this
issue completely, people
and government should make efforts collectively to educate people
about having a balanced diet which contains required
amount of carbohydrates, fats, Add an article
the required
vitamin
, protein, and Fix the agreement mistake
vitamins
sugar
because excess of anything is dangerous.Submitted by bhullarsimran2121 on
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task achievement
For a higher score in Task Achievement, make sure to fully address all parts of the task. Your essay must not only state your position but also develop it fully with supporting ideas and examples.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing skillfully to manage coherence and cohesion. Ensure that your ideas logically flow from one to the next, and work on smoother transitions between points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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