IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Students in university education should develop specialists in one subject area rather than create a broader range of subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today's era, most university students are encouraged to focus
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on
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in
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on
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one
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 specific area to be specialists. Developing expertise in
one
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 subject believed could gain profound
knowledge
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 rather than
broad
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a broad
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 education. In my opinion, it depends on the type of the subject area.
This
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 essay
would
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will
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 analyse the benefits
to study
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of studying
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 interdisciplinary approaches
will
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that will
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 outbacks the
limititation
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limitation
limitations
in
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of
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one
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apply
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knowledge
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 in
bachelor level
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bachelor-level
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of
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apply
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the student
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student
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students
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.
Firstly
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, studying
range
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a range
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 of subjects promotes collaborative
skills
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 and networking. It is necessary as life
skills
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for instance
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 in
working
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the working
a working
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 environment, known as T-shaped
skills
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 nowadays.
T shaped-
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T-shaped skills
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skills
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 combine breadth and depth
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knowledge
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of knowledge
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as well as
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 the ability to collaborate with experts in other disciplines.
Therefore
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, depending
our
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on our
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 expertise only in
one
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 area might result in
knowledge
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 limitation and narrow perspectives in making
decision
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decisions
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.
Secondly
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, in today's rapidly changing job market, broad education offers wider career options and greater
adaptibility
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adaptability
.
For example
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, students who
wants
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want
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 to do career shifting will need to learn new
subject
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subjects
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.
The adaptability
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Adaptability
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becomes an advantage,
enable
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enabling
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 them to thrive in the face of uncertainty and embrace various career paths.
To sum up
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, there are more advantages for
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a student
the student
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student
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students
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 who want to be
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a generalist
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generalist
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generalists
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 and
exploring
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explore
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 a variety of subjects, particularly those aspiring to build
careerpathy
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career path
career paths
 in the office. They might need collaborative and networking
skills
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 which
developed
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are developed
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 through broad education and
knowledge
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. Educational systems should provide a balance between depth and breadth to cater to different student needs and aspirations.
This
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 balance ensures that students are not only equipped with specialized
knowledge
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 in their chosen fields but
also
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 provided with a broader understanding.

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction presents a clear thesis, but the body paragraphs are less coherent. Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that reflects the central idea, and follow it up with supporting sentences that are logically connected.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks logical connectors and transitions which would aid in the smooth flow of ideas. Consider using conjunctions and transitional phrases to better link your ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You have integrated a conclusion which reiterates your main points, but work on making your introduction and conclusion more impactful by clearly rephrasing your stance and summarizing your argument succinctly.
task achievement
The response addresses the task prompt, but the development of ideas is basic. Expand on your arguments with further analysis and stronger supporting details to adequately address the prompt.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from clearer and more comprehensive development of ideas. The points made are somewhat general; provide more depth and detail to enhance the persuasive quality of your writing.
task achievement
Your essay includes general examples, but including relevant and specific examples will significantly improve the argument. Examples must be directly related to your points and should be drawn from credible sources or plausible scenarios.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Expertise
  • Authorities
  • Specialization
  • Niches
  • Interdisciplinary
  • Innovation
  • Adaptability
  • Generalists
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving
  • Career shifts
  • Academic isolation
  • Employability
  • Collaborative skills
  • Networking
  • Educational systems
  • Rapidly changing job market
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