In some countries, only few young people go to classical music concerts or or play classical music. Why? Should young people be encouraged to attend and learn more?
Few young
people
perform or attend classical music
concerts in certain countries
. This
is because they follow the modern era
, where people
tend to listen to modern music
. They need to learn and take part in traditional music
, so make them appreciate it.
Era
modern
makes the young Capitalize word
Modern
generation
tend to listen to or sing modern music
rather than conventional music
. They live with technology development, where they create and supply new playlists every day. Therefore
, it influences the musical tastes
of the younger generation
. For instance
, every youth
generation
today has a handphone
. Their handphone
provides many platforms for modern music
, so they tend to consume it.
Parents
, schools, and the government
really need to push the youth
generation
to operate and participate in classical music
. Classical music
tells about histories, cultures, and nationalities so that they show respect for their countries
. For example
, Indonesia introduces classical music
to its youth
Correct your spelling
young
generation
through art classes that help the younger generation
appreciate their countries
.In conclusion, few young Fix the agreement mistake
country
people
operate and visit traditional music
as a result
of technological advances, which influence tastes
in choosing what they listen to and play. Because of that, the government
, parents
, and school
must work together to encourage them about it.Few young Fix the agreement mistake
schools
people
perform or attend classical music
concerts in certain countries
. This
is because they follow the modern era
, where people
tend to listen to modern music
. They need to learn and take part in traditional music
, so make them appreciate it.
Era
modern
makes the young Capitalize word
Modern
generation
tend to listen to or sing modern music
rather than conventional music
. They live with technology development, where they create and supply new playlists every day. Therefore
, it influences the musical tastes
of the younger generation
. For instance
, every youth
generation
today has a handphone
. Their handphone
provides many platforms for modern music
, so they tend to consume it.
Parents
, schools, and the government
really need to push the youth
generation
to operate and participate in classical music
. Classical music
tells about histories, cultures, and nationalities so that they show respect for their countries
. For example
, Indonesia introduces classical music
to its youth
Correct your spelling
young
generation
through art classes that help the younger generation
appreciate their countries
.
In conclusion, few young Fix the agreement mistake
country
people
operate and visit traditional music
as a result
of technological advances, which influence tastes
in choosing what they listen to and play. Because of that, the government
, parents
, and school
must work together to encourage them.Fix the agreement mistake
schools
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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Task Achievement
The essay needs a clear, more specific introduction and conclusion. The topics introduced should be restated more definitively in the conclusion to provide a sense of closure.
Task Achievement
Main points are not fully developed, and the essay could significantly benefit from more detailed explanations and specific examples to support the arguments made.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks logical structuring with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, contributing to a sometimes disjointed feel. In order to achieve a more coherent essay, use clear topic sentences and ensure that all paragraphs logically support the thesis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to vary sentence structures to avoid repetition and to enhance the readability of the essay. The use of complex sentences can demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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