In some countries, only few young people go to classical music concerts or or play classical music. Why? Should young people be encouraged to attend and learn more?

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Few young
people
Use synonyms
perform or attend classical
music
Use synonyms
concerts in certain
countries
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.
This
Linking Words
is because they follow the modern
era
Use synonyms
, where
people
Use synonyms
tend to listen to modern
music
Use synonyms
. They need to learn and take part in traditional
music
Use synonyms
, so make them appreciate it.
Era
Use synonyms
modern
Capitalize word
Modern
show examples
makes the young
generation
Use synonyms
tend to listen to or sing modern
music
Use synonyms
rather than conventional
music
Use synonyms
. They live with technology development, where they create and supply new playlists every day.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it influences the musical
tastes
Use synonyms
of the younger
generation
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, every
youth
Use synonyms
generation
Use synonyms
today has a
handphone
Use synonyms
. Their
handphone
Use synonyms
provides many platforms for modern
music
Use synonyms
, so they tend to consume it.
Parents
Use synonyms
, schools, and the
government
Use synonyms
really need to push the
youth
Use synonyms
generation
Use synonyms
to operate and participate in classical
music
Use synonyms
. Classical
music
Use synonyms
tells about histories, cultures, and nationalities so that they show respect for their
countries
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, Indonesia introduces classical
music
Use synonyms
to its
Use synonyms
youth
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
through art classes that help the younger
generation
Use synonyms
appreciate their
Use synonyms
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
.In conclusion, few young
people
Use synonyms
operate and visit traditional
music
Use synonyms
as a result
Linking Words
of technological advances, which influence
tastes
Use synonyms
in choosing what they listen to and play. Because of that, the
government
Use synonyms
,
parents
Use synonyms
, and
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
must work together to encourage them about it.Few young
people
Use synonyms
perform or attend classical
music
Use synonyms
concerts in certain
countries
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
is because they follow the modern
era
Use synonyms
, where
people
Use synonyms
tend to listen to modern
music
Use synonyms
. They need to learn and take part in traditional
music
Use synonyms
, so make them appreciate it.  
Era
Use synonyms
modern
Capitalize word
Modern
show examples
makes the young
generation
Use synonyms
tend to listen to or sing modern
music
Use synonyms
rather than conventional
music
Use synonyms
. They live with technology development, where they create and supply new playlists every day.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it influences the musical
tastes
Use synonyms
of the younger
generation
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, every
youth
Use synonyms
generation
Use synonyms
today has a
handphone
Use synonyms
. Their
handphone
Use synonyms
provides many platforms for modern
music
Use synonyms
, so they tend to consume it.  
Parents
Use synonyms
, schools, and the
government
Use synonyms
really need to push the
youth
Use synonyms
generation
Use synonyms
to operate and participate in classical
music
Use synonyms
. Classical
music
Use synonyms
tells about histories, cultures, and nationalities so that they show respect for their
countries
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, Indonesia introduces classical
music
Use synonyms
to its
Use synonyms
youth
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
through art classes that help the younger
generation
Use synonyms
appreciate their
Use synonyms
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
. In conclusion, few young
people
Use synonyms
operate and visit traditional
music
Use synonyms
as a result
Linking Words
of technological advances, which influence
tastes
Use synonyms
in choosing what they listen to and play. Because of that, the
government
Use synonyms
,
parents
Use synonyms
, and
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
must work together to encourage them.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Task Achievement
The essay needs a clear, more specific introduction and conclusion. The topics introduced should be restated more definitively in the conclusion to provide a sense of closure.
Task Achievement
Main points are not fully developed, and the essay could significantly benefit from more detailed explanations and specific examples to support the arguments made.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks logical structuring with clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, contributing to a sometimes disjointed feel. In order to achieve a more coherent essay, use clear topic sentences and ensure that all paragraphs logically support the thesis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to vary sentence structures to avoid repetition and to enhance the readability of the essay. The use of complex sentences can demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Exposure
  • Perception
  • Old-fashioned
  • Elitist
  • Financial investment
  • Competing interests
  • Entertainment options
  • Digital music
  • Video games
  • Social media
  • Cultural understanding
  • Cognitive benefits
  • Affordable tickets
  • Free concerts
  • Music education programs
  • Modern adaptations
  • Collaborations
  • Relatable
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