In recent times, many people have focused on the negative effects advertising has on children’s health, behaviour and family relationships. Advertising to children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#times #people #effects #children’s #health #behaviour #relationships #children

Nowadays,

people

got

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have been

show examples

exposed

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show examples

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

since they

are a child

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were children

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. Many

people

believed

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believe

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that

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advertisements

show examples

have a lot of negative

impact

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impacts

show examples

and should be prohibited for

children

to watch, the reason is it

affect

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affects

show examples

the

children

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children's

show examples

health, behaviour and

relatationship

Correct your spelling

relationship

relationships

with their

family

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families

show examples

This

essay strongly

agree

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agrees

show examples

with

this

idea, because it might influence the way their

brain

think

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thinks

show examples

along with

excessive buying that might happen in the future.

Children

can not identify the difference between

commercial

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commercials

show examples

and regular

Correct your spelling

show examples

station

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stations

show examples

, they lack

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

awareness of it since their

brain

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brains

show examples

not yet

develop

Wrong verb form

developed

show examples

perfectly. Many of the

advetisement

Correct your spelling

advertisements

we see generally are diverse and not categorized by age.

Unbenknowsnt

Correct your spelling

Unbeknownst

, young

people

will see

Add an article

an ad

show examples

Fix the agreement mistake

ads

show examples

that

not

Add a missing verb

are not

show examples

appropriate for their age and will try to mimic

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

since young

people

have the tendency to act like

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

grown up

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grown-up

show examples

For example

, the use of retinol from Drunk Elephant brand

have

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has

show examples

an upward trend in

teenager

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teenagers

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. it

lead

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leads

show examples

to dispute since retinol is used for anti-aging and

not

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is not

show examples

suitable for teenager to use. The reason for

this

popularity is

because

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because of

show examples

the

from popular

celebrety

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celebrity

that have

teenager

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a teenager

show examples

as their

audiance

Correct your spelling

audience

. Apart from that, the

varieties

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variety

show examples

of forms in

triggering

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triggers

show examples

excessive buying. In

this

current economy,

this

phenomena

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phenomenon

show examples

wil

Correct your spelling

will

lead to

degredation

Correct your spelling

degradation

economy

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the economy

show examples

. We see a lot nowadays,

many

Correct word choice

that many

show examples

children

got

Verb problem

are

show examples

influenced by

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

they

saw

Wrong verb form

see

show examples

and will persuade their

parents

to buy

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

for them.

Nonetheless

, not all

parents

will buy what their

children

want instantly. the reason

also

varies, it might

because

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be because

show examples

it is

a junk food

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junk food

a portion of junk food

show examples

that

not

Add a missing verb

is not

show examples

healthy or something that

really

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is really

show examples

expensice

Correct your spelling

expensive

and they can not

afford

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afford it

show examples

. Sometimes,

children

got

Wrong verb form

get

show examples

tantrum

Fix the agreement mistake

tantrums

show examples

because their

parents

not

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do not

did not

show examples

give

what

Correct pronoun usage

them what

show examples

they want,

this

Correct word choice

and this

show examples

behaviour might lead to

Correct article usage

a relatationship

show examples

relatationship

Correct your spelling

relationship

breakdown between

parents

and their

children

Correct article usage

the

show examples

long run.

To conclude

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

children

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

should be banned, because

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

brain

Fix the agreement mistake

brains

show examples

have not yet developed perfectly and

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

can influence the way their

brain

Fix the agreement mistake

brains

show examples

think, beside the

can

also

influence their

emotion

Fix the agreement mistake

emotions

show examples

thorough

Correct your spelling

through

show examples

tantrum

Fix the agreement mistake

tantrums

show examples

that they do when they do

Correct your spelling

not

show examples

get what they want.

Submitted by nientjeninan on Mon Jan 08 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure by beginning with an introduction that clearly states your thesis, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a separate main point supported by specific examples or explanations, and finishing with a conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your thesis.

introduction conclusion present

Provide a clear introduction and conclusion that outline your position on the topic and summarize the main points of your argument, respectively. It's also crucial to maintain a consistent stance throughout your essay.

supported main points

Support your main points with relevant, specific examples or evidence. Whilst some examples are provided, they should be more deeply explored and directly related to the point being made in order to strengthen the argument.

complete response

Address all parts of the task by providing a clear and comprehensive argument in response to the essay question. Your ideas need to be more fully developed and expressed in a clear, academic style of writing.

clear comprehensive ideas

The ideas you present must be clear and easily understood, which involves organizing them logically and expressing them comprehensively. Consider rephrasing sentences that are unclear and checking for grammatical errors that obscure meaning.

relevant specific examples

Use relevant examples to support your points, ensuring they are specific and appropriately illustrate the argument or claim you are making. Be careful not to make general statements without backing them up with concrete evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
71Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

348 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

vulnerability
critical thinking
childhood obesity
materialistic
consumerism
conflict
regulations
ethical marketing
media literacy
unrealistic standards
body image
parental controls
freedom of speech
purchasing decisions
advertising content

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In recent times, many people have focused on the negative effects advertising has on children’s health, behaviour and family relationships. Advertising to children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Today, many people around the globe adapt the Korean culture too much. What problem is associated with this? What can be done about this?

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

The process presents information about the water cycle, an unceasing flow of water across and beneath the Earth’s surface.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. with increased use of computers, the internet and smart phones, more and more people are starting to work from home. what are the disadvantages and disadvantages of this development?