Some people think that it is better for older schoolchildren to study a large number of subjects and develop a wide range of knowledge. Others argue that they should study a smaller number of subjects and focus on details. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Over the past decade, by virtue of advanced living standards, the educational system has gained popularity in various countries, leading to a paradigm shift in the application of multiple

subjects

Use synonyms

at schools.

This

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therefore

Linking Words

, is believed to be beneficial for

learners

Use synonyms

. Despite the many positive ramifications that may derive from the argument,

this

Linking Words

educating style is likely to be predominantly disadvantageous to

students

Use synonyms

due to

Linking Words

the rationales outlined below. Admittedly, advocates of the statement that adolescent

students

Use synonyms

should better learn a variety of

subjects

Use synonyms

at schools may argue that

this

Linking Words

implementation not only offers

learners

Use synonyms

many useful skills but

also

Linking Words

enables a foreseeable well-rounded individual.

First,

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when attending to some intellectual

subjects

Use synonyms

, namely chemistry or math,

students

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are able to enhance their cognitive abilities. Some examples of

this

Linking Words

, particularly include the improvement of problem-solving skills like balancing chemical equations or addressing chemical reactions.

Second,

Linking Words

since a multi-

subjects

Use synonyms

educating style is implemented,

this

Linking Words

necessitates a well-developed citizen. By studying many majors at schools,

students

Use synonyms

might get a deeper insight into every aspect of life, leading to a complete understanding of their future.

Nevertheless

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, despite the feasible positive impacts above, focusing on some chosen

subjects

Use synonyms

is still the optimal choice.

First,

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favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

majors act as incentives for youngsters’ passion and motivation in learning. It should be remembered that once adolescents are encouraged to engage in the fields they are interested in, they will have opportunities to foster their talents and potential abilities themselves,

therefore

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minimizing teachers’ efforts in terms of helping

learners

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understand the lessons.

In addition

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, once

students

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can select their

favored

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favoured

show examples

subjects

Use synonyms

, a self-learning style will be granted. If young

learners

Use synonyms

can make a decision on what they will study, their independence and autonomy skills in learning will be ensured, leading to a responsible individual later on. In conclusion, despite the ubiquity of multi-subject avenues in education, prioritizing several selected

subjects

Use synonyms

remains the most preferred choice

due to

Linking Words

the autonomic and

favorable

Change the spelling

favourable

show examples

features. Because of these merits, I do expect government development aims to be drastically altered in the foreseeable future.

hieu.ho

Jan 8, 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic that is developed logically with supporting ideas and examples. Your essay showed some difficulty in this area; aim for clearer, more concise topic sentences and make sure each subsequent sentence contributes directly to the development of that topic.

coherence cohesion

An introduction and conclusion are essential for structuring your essay; your work included these, but they could be more effectively executed to set the stage and summarise the arguments. The conclusion would benefit from a stronger restatement of your opinion and a succinct summary of the key points made.

task achievement

While you have included some main points supporting the arguments, they need to be more fully developed and backed up with relevant, specific examples. Your essay lacked concrete examples to illustrate key points, which would greatly enhance the task response score.

task achievement

Your essay addressed the prompt to some extent, but the ideas presented were not fully clear and comprehensive. Work on developing each idea thoroughly and connecting it directly back to the question to ensure a complete response to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

341 words

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Some people think that it is better for older schoolchildren to study a large number of subjects and develop a wide range of knowledge. Others argue that they should study a smaller number of subjects and focus on details. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person?

Governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move from large cities to the regional areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries, old or traditional languages are dying out or being forgotten, especially by younger people. Is this an acceptable development which occurs inevitably, or is it something which we should try to prevent?

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academy world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared free.