IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

It is important to give children a possibility to act independently and make their own decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

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It is often argued that children should be given the opportunity to act independently and make their own
decisions
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 from an early age.
While
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 I agree that some degree of independence is important for children, I believe that it should be introduced gradually and with proper guidance. On one hand, allowing kids to make
decisions
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 helps them develop important life skills,
such
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 as problem-solving, responsibility, and self-confidence.
For example
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, when a child decides what clothes to wear or what activities to participate in, they begin to understand the consequences of their choices.
This
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 helps them become more independent and capable of making
decisions
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 as they grow older.
Moreover
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, making mistakes and learning from them is an essential part of a child's development.
On the other hand
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, adults are still learning about the world, and they may not always make the best
decisions
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 without proper guidance. Parents and teachers play a crucial role in helping juveniles understand the consequences of their actions.
For instance
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, a young child might choose to eat unhealthy food without knowing the long-term effects, and it is the responsibility of adults to guide them towards better choices. Giving young people too much independence too soon can lead to poor decision-making and risky behaviour. In my opinion, teenagers should be encouraged to make
decisions
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, but
this
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 should be done in a controlled way. It is important to find a balance between independence and guidance to ensure that children develop the skills they need
while
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also
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 understanding the consequences of their actions.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating on the points made. While you have provided a good range of ideas, enhancing your arguments with more detail could strengthen your overall response.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. You could use more linking words or phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Include a more explicit conclusion that summarizes your main points. Reinforcing your position at the end will provide clarity and make your argument more persuasive.
content
Your essay presents a clear perspective on the topic, showcasing a balanced view of the importance of independence in decision-making for children.
support
Good use of examples, such as the choice of clothing and food, which illustrate your points effectively and make your arguments relatable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • autonomy
  • empower
  • nurture
  • authority
  • guidance
  • mentor
  • self-reliance
  • resourcefulness
  • initiative
  • innovation
  • responsibility
  • adulthood
  • independent thinking
  • critical thinking
  • obligations
  • achievement
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