The chart below shows numbers of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows numbers of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar graph depicts
variation
Add an article
a variation
the variation
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
participating in different major
sports
, gentle walking,
basketball
,
cricket
, jogging, gym, football and hiking, in the period
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1997 and 2017 in a specific area. As reflected by
Correct article usage
the Y'
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Y'
Change noun form
Y
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axis, the population is measured from zero to 60
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
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of
Change preposition
apply
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people
with
interval
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an interval
the interval
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of ten
thousand
. At first glance, it becomes clear that
people
going
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gentle
walk
Replace the word
walking
show examples
is highest in both 1997 and 2017
while
people
going to
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
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remained stable in both years.
Similarly
,
people
playing
basketball
increased from one
time-interval
Correct your spelling
time interval
show examples
to
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
whereas
the popularity of
cricket
drastically decreased among
adults
at
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
time interval.
Overall
, the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
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in various
sports
like walking,
basketball
, jogging, football and hiking
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
lowest in 1997 and increased in 2017. In more
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
, around fifty
thousand
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adults
were participating
Wrong verb form
participated
show examples
in gentle walking in 1997,
they
Correct pronoun usage
which
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increased by five
thousand
and became the highest participated
sports
among other
sports
in 2017. Correspondingly, the
participants
Correct quantifier usage
number of participants
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
basketball
increased from nine
thousand
to around twenty-five
thousand
from the year 1997 to 2017. It shows that the popularity of
basketball
was growing among
adults
gradually.
Similarly
,
adults
involved in football and hiking
also
increased from thirty-three
thousand
to forty-eight
thousand
and thirty-five
thousand
to forty-nine
thousand
respectively in those two time
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
.
On the other hand
, the craze of
cricket
among
people
was declining
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
drastically from 1997 to 2017
while
people
going to
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
( thirty-five
thousand
) throughout the time period.
However
,
people
participating in jogging as their main
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
increased slightly by one
thousand
in the year 2017 in comparison with 1997. In summary, the number of
people
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
in various
sports
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
increasing day by day except
cricket
.
Submitted by sub.ranji on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "similarly, while".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sports, basketball, cricket, people, thousand, adults with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 6 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • adult demographic
  • comparison
  • percent change
  • significant increase/decrease
  • trend analysis
  • sports popularity
  • ranking changes
  • general patterns
  • social factors
  • 20-year period
  • time span
  • major sports
  • data interpretation
  • highlight features
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