IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #choices
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It is believed that people's choices have increased these days. I partially agree with
this
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 idea as
technology
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 has improved many industries
however
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 it can limit our selection. On the one hand,
technology
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 affects our lives profoundly and allows us to pick our
favorite
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favourite
show examples
products
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. One advantage of
technology
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 is that many companies and factories have revealed that produce different types of things.
Also
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, it provides the chance to export and import
products
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 for many countries.
Therefore
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, diverse nations could profit from each others'
products
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. By way of example, in my country, we don't have any factories related to producing smartphones but the government imports these
products
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 from brand companies to sharpen the quality of citizens' lives. so we can select our
favorite
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favourite
show examples
 phones from a wide variety of brands with different qualities.
On the other hand
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, despite the opinion that our choices can be limited by money, there is a wide range of
products
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 that all folks from poor to rich can afford but those
products
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 that are expensive have more quality than cheaper ones. In conclusion,
technology
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 causes us to have numerous choices for different objects
Submitted by kmibehnaz98 on

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task response
Your essay lacks a clear and concise thesis statement in the introduction. Ensure that you clearly state your opinion and outline the main points to be discussed.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay could benefit from more sophisticated linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas and coherence.
task response
Develop your main points with more detailed and relevant examples to strengthen your argument. You should elaborate more on how the availability of choices impacts individuals or society.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion needs to clearly summarize the main points and reiterate your opinion. It should not introduce new information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
What to do next:
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