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Band 4

In today’s world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#today’s #world #people #smartphone
There is a high proportion of
people
 possess a smartphone, which is thought to have more benefits than drawbacks. The writer agrees with
this
 opinion as smartphones bring everyone closer regardless of distance,
simplify
Correct word choice
and simplify
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 email-checking and even banking, despite the risk of internet fraud. Undeniably, the escalating proliferation of smartphones all over the world never seemed to stop for the
last
 2 decades, especially after the release of
iPhone
Correct article usage
the iPhone
show examples
 3G in 2007.
This
 new product remarkably sets up the new era of technology at that time, thereby
promoting
Verb problem
encouraging
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 software developers to create more and more applications that are easily found
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 any smartphone like Facebook, Messenger, and even Google Maps. These are helpful tools which
facilitates
Change the verb form
facilitate
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 texting and guide users right route to go when they set foot in unfamiliar places.
However
, some
people
 are exploiting
this
 field in order to fulfil their desires. Taking scammers as a good example,
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
 in scamming
people
 who do not have much knowledge in
this
 era, stealing money digitally and indirectly.
However
,
this
 can be easily avoided by educating those
people
 by giving guidelines about morality and ways to rely on and protect themselves from the mentioned danger. In conclusion, using a cell phone offers significant upsides, from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
convenience to filling the communication gap between humans, which easily outweighs the drawback of the potential of fraud.

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task achievement
Ensure that ideas are fleshed out more comprehensively. While points are relevant, they require deeper analysis and more specific examples to support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more logical flow between ideas. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to enhance clarity and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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