IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do ou think the advantage of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #smartphone #ou #advantage
In today's digital age, more and more people gain access to a smartphone.
This
 writer believes that the boons of connectivity and wide range of selection outweigh the flaws of the risk of internet
frauds
Fix the agreement mistake
fraud
show examples
. The most advantageous factor of a smartphone is that it can help people keep in touch with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 more easily.
In other words
, there are many social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 and messaging applications that allow users to talk with other people online so that they can create a relationship between them.
As a result
, individuals can have more friends in spite of being in different countries. The benefit of
wide
Correct article usage
a wide
show examples
 selection range must
also
 be considered. It is self-evident that the internet
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 numerous choices in various fields which enable the users to access any available information. Take the Wikipedia page as a prime example, the website contains a significant amount of knowledge which any person can see within a few taps on the phones.
However
, some individuals are reluctant to use smartphones. They believe that using a phone would make them vulnerable to online criminals.
This
 may be true, but by using secured websites and applications
along with
 understanding the tricks of the
frauds
Fix the agreement mistake
fraud
show examples
, we can avoid having our information stolen.
Consequently
, we can learn how to keep ourselves safe from potential
lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
. In conclusion, the risk of being scammed online is outweighed by the advantage of being connected with relatives and being able to gain knowledge.
Therefore
,
this
 essay has demonstrated clear points
to
Change preposition
as to
show examples
 why owning a smartphone is better.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider rephrasing the introduction to more specifically address the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of owning a smartphone. This will create a clearer context for your argument and enhance your task response score.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structuring by making clearer, explicit connections between points and by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to more effectively guide the reader through the argument.
task achievement
When presenting your main points, ensure each is supported with specific examples. General statements are less effective without clear, illustrative examples to back them up.
task achievement
The conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing both the advantages and disadvantages discussed in the essay, making a definitive statement about their balance. Aim to end with a strong, decisive conclusion reflecting the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!