IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages ?

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Through the advent of
smartphone
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the smartphone
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,
life
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the life
a life
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 of inhabitants all over the world has changed dramatically.
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Despite
Depite
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Despite
 a few negative sides that
this
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 high-tech device brings to humanity
such
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 as phone addiction, how it benefits people
on
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in
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 communication and
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education
aducation
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education
worths
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worth
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 more
considerations
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consideration
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 First of all one of the most crucial advantages of having a smartphone is to communicate easier. The development of technology has modernized communication as it has paved the way for various means of chatting
such
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 as SMS, text messages, phone calls or video chats.
Due to
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this
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, people could have more opportunities to make friends internationally
,
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apply
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 or keep in touch more frequently with family members from
a far distances
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a far distance
far distances
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. Take
Covid-19
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COVID-19
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 as a prime example, when citizens had to stay at their houses for months, without having these small gadgets to talk with their relatives, they
would be
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were
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 likely to experience isolation
as well as
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 loneliness.
However
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, getting
abuse
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abused
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of
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by
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smartphones
Use synonyms
is
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apply
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could lead to addiction. It is vital to understand that using
smartphones
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 to entertain ourselves without self-controlling can be dangerous, as social media apps always want us to get immersed in surfing the Internet and keeping us informed.
As a result
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, inhabitants gradually stick to their phones
more
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for more
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 than 8 hours per day,
lead
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leading
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 to addiction which
affect
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affects
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 us as badly as
drug
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our drug
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 or alcohol counterparts. Apart from that, one benefit
helps
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that helps
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 to consider
of
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apply
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owning
smartphones
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 is education. Thanks to today's digital age, students have a huge range of study materials including educational apps or instructional videos.
Moreover
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, they could get access to the Internet to learn and explore by themselves, not only about school subjects, but
also
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 cultures and traditions
thus
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, they could have a more widened knowledge than those in the past. In conclusion, the vitality of
smartphones
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 has surpassed its
drawback
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drawbacks
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 because it supports people in keeping contact with others
as well as
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 helping children to acquire knowledge variously and easily.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. Your essay lacks a clear conclusion which is crucial for summarizing your points and re-stating your position clearly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing of information and ideas. Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each centered around a single main idea. Use transitions effectively to link these ideas together for better flow.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. While you have mentioned some broad concepts, such as the impact of smartphones during Covid-19 and their role in education, you could improve your essay by providing concrete examples to illustrate these advantages in a tangible way.
task achievement
Ensure a full response to the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages equally and establishing a clear position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Your essay needs a balanced approach.
task achievement
In your next essays, aim to articulate your ideas more comprehensively and in a structured manner. It helps the reader to follow your argumentation and reasoning more easily.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
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