Some people believe that violence in the media, such as in television programs and films, directly results in violent behaviour. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #violence #media #television #programs #films #results #behaviour

Some people argue that

television

programs

and films that contain

violence

, directly result in violent behaviour. I strongly disagree with

this

point of view because the content of

television

and

movies

are actually designed to entertain the audience and

also

there are many aspects that can influence violent behaviour. Most of the

programs

television

movies

are actually created for entertainment purposes. In the first stage, the media designed the program to entertain or even educate the audience.

Although

, nowadays there are

movies

or content which contain violent scenes, the media does not make it to influence people to do

violences

Change the wording

violence

acts of violence

outbreaks of violence

show examples

For example

, the phenomenal Indonesian movie called The Raid had a fighting scene by Iko Uwais, it was not purposing to endorse

violence

, but it is just the essentials of an action movie which can entertain the audience.

In addition

, violent behaviours are not influenced only by the

scene

Fix the agreement mistake

scenes

show examples

movies

television

programs

. There are other aspects which can affect that habit

such

as the role of the family and

school

. Many people do

violence

because they see their family doing it or they are just influenced by their friends in

school

. Especially, when it comes to the kids in the

school

, how they treat each other badly can easily lead to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

acts of

violences

Change the wording

violence

acts of violence

outbreaks of violence

show examples

For example

, there are a lot of

school

shooting cases by student in the United States of America, the reason

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

because

Correct word choice

that

show examples

they are not treated well by their friends which eventually makes them angry and they do

those

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

violences

Change the wording

violence

acts of violence

outbreaks of violence

show examples

. In conclusion, I completely disagree that

movies

Correct your spelling

show examples

programs

can lead the acts of

violence

easily

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because they are not designed for it.

Furthermore

, family and

school

are the most important roles to affect that action.

Submitted by femyparinussa on Mon Jan 08 2024

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task achievement

The response presents a clear position throughout the response. However, try to explore the topic from multiple perspectives to fully satisfy task requirements, instead of focusing mainly on one side of the argument.

coherence cohesion

Use a range of cohesive devices but make sure they are used appropriately. Avoid overusing them, and ensure that paragraphs flow logically from one to the next.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that violence in the media, such as in television programs and films, directly results in violent behaviour. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

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When asked to choose between alife without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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