In today's world , many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages .

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In
ever-progressive
Correct article usage
an ever-progressive
show examples
society ,
whether
Correct word choice
apply
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having
personal
Add an article
a personal
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mobile phone is a highly debatable
disscusion
Correct your spelling
discussion
point .
This
writer argues that the benefits of convenience of contact and
Correct your spelling
entertainment
entertainmnet
Correct your spelling
entertainment
outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
of
health's
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health
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problems The most
adventageous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
factor of a
smartphone
is convenient
contact
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to contact
show examples
.
In other words
, many
people
easily get in touch with
the
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apply
show examples
others at
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
locations
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of locations
show examples
and
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
they want. From prior knowledge , most teenagers and adults in Viet Nam effortlessly make
a
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apply
show examples
phone
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
to each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
due to
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
of social media
such
as
:
Remove the comma
apply
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Zalo , Facebook ,
Correct word choice
and Instagran
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Instagran
Correct your spelling
Instagram
... that help to get
the
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apply
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information
of
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about
show examples
friends or family and contact
with
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apply
show examples
them immediately .
Hence
, smartphones are vital for
people
to access
to
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apply
show examples
online
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
and get in touch
in
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at
show examples
anytime Entertainment is
also
a
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an
show examples
essential point
must
Correct pronoun usage
that must
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be considered . It should
be acknowledge
Change the verb form
be acknowledged
show examples
that online
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
, games and videos are necessary to reduce stress and depression after a busy and pressed day at working places .
As a consequence
, many individuals may feel a sense of more productivity in working .
Thus
, mobile phones play an important role
to help
Change preposition
in helping
show examples
people
to relieve pressure and refresh their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. Despite the advantages , there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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also
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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negative sides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
using
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is
Correct article usage
a health's
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health's
Change noun form
health
show examples
concern. It should be recognised that addiction to phones which have blue light
affected
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
to eyes and bedtime is fundamental to our health .
This
may be true , but Owning a
smartphone
is crucial because of
emergency
Add an article
an emergency
the emergency
show examples
situation that you are lost or need support from other
people
.
As a result
, it is totally suitable to
owing
Verb problem
own
show examples
a
smartphone
. Taking all points into account , the cons of having a private mobile phone
is outweigh
Change the verb form
is outweighed
show examples
by the pros of its .
Therefore
, It should have been demonstrated that it is momentous for
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
people
all over the world to own a
smartphone
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Tone/Formality
Maintain a formal tone and avoid contractions
Grammar
Ensure subject-verb agreement and use correct verb forms
Supporting Ideas
Support main points with clear examples and explanations
Structure
Structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion
Cohesion
Use cohesive devices but ensure they are not overused or mechanically
Task Response
Address all parts of the task and present a clear position throughout the response
Lexical Resource
Avoid repetition of ideas and vocabulary
Accuracy
Minimize spelling and punctuation errors

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant access
  • real-time updates
  • portable offices
  • emergency services
  • social media
  • navigation
  • cybersecurity
  • screen time
  • digital detox
  • environmental footprint
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