In today’s world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages.
In today's digital world, most
of
Change preposition
apply
people
have their own mobile phone
. Despite the concern of
Change preposition
about
smartphone
addiction in
young Change preposition
among
people
, the benefits of owning a smartphone
outweigh the the drawbacks.
First of all, the main purpose people
using mobile Change preposition
of people
phone
is communication. Fix the agreement mistake
phones
Smartphone
give us a virtual environment to chat with other Fix the agreement mistake
Smartphones
people
anytime, anywhere. It will be convenient for someone who need
to offer their friends to do something. Change the verb form
needs
Furthermore
, smartphone
will be useful for Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
people
who live far from their home
and want to get in touch with their family, Fix the agreement mistake
homes
relatives
.
Correct word choice
and relatives
Secondly
, Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
smartphone
can serve Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
efficently
the entertainment needs of Correct your spelling
efficiently
people
. In recently
Change the word
recent
time
, more and more forms of entertainment Fix the agreement mistake
times
are
created by many developers to meet the Wrong verb form
have been
demand
of mobile Fix the agreement mistake
demands
phone
users. A lot of mobile games and films are made to serve the
Correct article usage
apply
smartphone
users. Moreover
, the film-making studios are
Change the verb form
are also combined
also
combine with a lot of basis to expand the entertainment market on mobile phone
.
Some Fix the agreement mistake
phones
people
argue that using smartphone
too much Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
also
has drawbacks. It is indeed that
a lot of teenagers are addicted to mobile Correct word choice
apply
phone
and they are ready to do anything to use Fix the agreement mistake
phones
smartphone
. It Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
make
them Change the verb form
makes
dependant
on Replace the word
dependent
smartphone
too much. Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
Otherwise
, using smartphone
too much can be harmful Correct article usage
a smartphone
for
your eyes, and it is the main reason Change the preposition
to
of
myopia in young Change preposition
for
people
.
Smartphones are easy to become addicted if we do not control ourselves properly, but with effort, we can benefit from the convenience and the connection of the smartphonesSubmitted by [email protected] on
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coherence cohesion
The essay presents ideas in a manner that is somewhat logical, but the progression is impeded by a lack of clear paragraphing and cohesive devices. Transition between ideas within and across paragraphs should be more seamless to guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to introduce the topic and provide a conclusion, but they are not fully developed. The conclusion, in particular, is weak and does not effectively summarize the essay's main points. Consider refining these sections to clearly state the thesis and main arguments at the outset and to concisely recap them at the end.
coherence cohesion
Main points are presented but are not consistently supported by specific examples or clear reasoning. The essay would benefit from more developed examples and explanations to strengthen the argument and illustrate the advantages and disadvantages of smartphone ownership more vividly.
task achievement
The response addresses the task prompt to a reasonable extent but remains superficial. Expand on your ideas by discussing the various advantages and disadvantages in more depth. This will make the response more complete and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
While the essay provides a basic overview of the topic, the ideas would benefit from greater clarity and depth of analysis. Try to articulate your points in a more structured and comprehensive manner, perhaps by first detailing each advantage or disadvantage in turn and then analyzing it thoroughly.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant examples, but they are somewhat generic and not specific enough to persuasively back up the claims made. Consider using concrete, real-world examples that are directly related to the points being made to increase the impact and relevancy of your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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