Many claim that tha fast food industry has a negative effect on the environment, eating habits, and families. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Over recent decades, many countries have been trying to expand
fast
Correct article usage
the fast
food
industry. While
there are many advantages to having prepare
meals Change the verb form
prepared
but
I believe that there are many disadvantages. So in Correct word choice
apply
this
essay
I will explain both views.
On the one hand, there are those who subscribe to the view that some advantages to Add a comma
essay,
invest
money in Change the verb form
investing
fast
Add an article
the fast
food
industry. They argue that,
nowadays many people especially women are working out of their Remove the comma
apply
house
and Fix the agreement mistake
houses
this
is because cost
of standard living all around the world has increased dramatically. Add an article
the cost
For example
, children s
education fees, treatment Correct your spelling
children's
cost
, Fix the agreement mistake
costs
transportation
Correct word choice
and transportation
fee
. Meanwhile, all members of a family have to work full time or Fix the agreement mistake
fees
having
a permanent job so they do not have enough time for cooking which Wrong verb form
have
must
Verb problem
means
consume
fast Wrong verb form
consuming
food
at home or preparing meal
for children Fix the agreement mistake
meals
that
have Correct pronoun usage
who
a
Correct article usage
apply
snack
at school.
Fix the agreement mistake
snacks
On the other hand
, many commentators believe that there are some drawbacks to using fast food
. They argue that not only have bad effective
on physical Replace the word
effects
healthy
but Replace the word
health
also
there are majority causes to our surrounding
like parks, the environment, and Replace the word
surroundings
atmosphere
. It is Correct article usage
the atmosphere
also
believed that community
are facedFix the agreement mistake
communities
a
lot of heart problems Change preposition
with a
that
the industry oil leads to Correct word choice
and
this
troubles and obesity in young people Correct determiner usage
these
that
insist Correct pronoun usage
who
to eat
fast Change preposition
on eating
food
with their friends. In addition
, packaging foods have some material
like plastic or paper for Fix the agreement mistake
materials
package
that Add an article
a package
the package
those
are unhealthy for Correct pronoun usage
apply
environment
.
In conclusion, Add an article
the environment
although
there are some merits and drawbacks, I personally believe that disadvantages
are far more. We are able to have precise planning for our lives so surely family will be able to healthy Correct article usage
the disadvantages
food
.Submitted by s_karimi2002 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear and logical structuring. Ideas should be more effectively organized and presented in a format that demonstrates a logical sequence. Consider using paragraphs more strategically to introduce, develop, and conclude arguments.
coherence cohesion
There is a lack of clear introductions and conclusions. Ensure that the essay opens with a clear statement of the topic and your standpoint, and closes with a concise summary that encapsulates the main points and restates your position.
coherence cohesion
The main points are somewhat supported, but the connections between ideas are weak. Be sure to develop each main point with appropriate explanation, elaboration and examples.
task achievement
Your response to the task is incomplete. You have acknowledged the existence of both pros and cons related to the fast food industry, but the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the statement is not clearly stated. Make sure your position is clear throughout the essay and in the conclusion.
task achievement
The ideas presented are relevant, but they lack clear development and explanation. Make sure every point made is elaborated upon with explanation, analysis, and specific examples when possible.
task achievement
You have provided a few examples, but more specific, relevant examples would strengthen your argument. Try to include detailed evidence or anecdotes to substantiate the points made in your essay.
