IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many claim that tha fast food industry has a negative effect on the environment, eating habits, and families. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Over recent decades, many countries have been trying to expand
fast
Correct article usage
the fast
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food
Use synonyms
 industry.
While
Linking Words
 there are many advantages to having
prepare
Change the verb form
prepared
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 meals
but
Correct word choice
apply
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I believe that there are many disadvantages. So in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will explain both views. On the one hand, there are those who subscribe to the view that some advantages to
invest
Change the verb form
investing
show examples
 money in
fast
Add an article
the fast
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 industry. They argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 nowadays many people especially women are working out of their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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 and
this
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 is because
cost
Add an article
the cost
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 of standard living all around the world has increased dramatically.
For example
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,
children s
Correct your spelling
children's
 education fees, treatment
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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,
transportation
Correct word choice
and transportation
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fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
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. Meanwhile, all members of a family have to work full time or
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 a permanent job so they do not have enough time for cooking which
must
Verb problem
means
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consume
Wrong verb form
consuming
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 fast
food
Use synonyms
 at home or preparing
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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 for children
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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snack
Fix the agreement mistake
snacks
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 at school.
On the other hand
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, many commentators believe that there are some drawbacks to using fast
food
Use synonyms
. They argue that not only have bad
effective
Replace the word
effects
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 on physical
healthy
Replace the word
health
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 but
also
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 there are majority causes to our
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
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 like parks, the environment, and
atmosphere
Correct article usage
the atmosphere
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. It is
also
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 believed that
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 are faced
a
Change preposition
with a
show examples
lot of heart problems
that
Correct word choice
and
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 the industry oil leads to
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 troubles and obesity in young people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 insist
to eat
Change preposition
on eating
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 fast
food
Use synonyms
 with their friends.
In addition
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, packaging foods have some
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
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 like plastic or paper for
package
Add an article
a package
the package
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 that
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are unhealthy for
environment
Add an article
the environment
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. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some merits and drawbacks, I personally believe that
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 are far more. We are able to have precise planning for our lives so surely family will be able to healthy
food
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear and logical structuring. Ideas should be more effectively organized and presented in a format that demonstrates a logical sequence. Consider using paragraphs more strategically to introduce, develop, and conclude arguments.
coherence cohesion
There is a lack of clear introductions and conclusions. Ensure that the essay opens with a clear statement of the topic and your standpoint, and closes with a concise summary that encapsulates the main points and restates your position.
coherence cohesion
The main points are somewhat supported, but the connections between ideas are weak. Be sure to develop each main point with appropriate explanation, elaboration and examples.
task achievement
Your response to the task is incomplete. You have acknowledged the existence of both pros and cons related to the fast food industry, but the extent of your agreement or disagreement with the statement is not clearly stated. Make sure your position is clear throughout the essay and in the conclusion.
task achievement
The ideas presented are relevant, but they lack clear development and explanation. Make sure every point made is elaborated upon with explanation, analysis, and specific examples when possible.
task achievement
You have provided a few examples, but more specific, relevant examples would strengthen your argument. Try to include detailed evidence or anecdotes to substantiate the points made in your essay.
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