Some people believes that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The basic medium to earning knowledge for children is reading story
books
. Although
watching TV
or playing games
on the computer
is also
a medium of learning, I think that,
reading stories from Remove the comma
apply
books
is better than TV
or games
. In this
essay, I will discuss both phenomena and give an explanation of my opinion.
Firstly
, While
children are reading stories from books
they can imagine the whole story which can enrich children's imagination capability. Also
, it helps to increase their vocabulary and can make them concentrate. Storybooks develop student's mental growth and can foster their natural curiosity. Furthermore
, by reading story books
students can earn the skill of excellent reading and writing, as well as
, can learn pronunciation and spelling correctly.
On the other hand
, watching TV
or computer
games
can imbibe a child. The moving objects and colourful images can distract especially the young child from any other important tasks. Side by side, playing games
on the computer
can be an addiction to a child, as a result
, students do not do their homework . It is also
harmful for
their health, Change the preposition
to
specially
Replace the word
especially
for
their eyes.
Change preposition
to
To sum up
, storybooks are far better for gaining knowledge than games
or TV
. Students should avoid unnecessary TV
programs and computer
games
.Submitted by tanvir0507 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a clear and logical structure. Your introduction should briefly outline the points you will discuss, while each paragraph should deal with a single topic or argument that progresses the essay effectively towards the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a conclusion that succinctly summarizes the key points made and clearly states your position. A firm conclusion helps to signal that the essay has come to an end and provides closure on the arguments made. Your conclusion in this essay could have more strongly reflected on the arguments presented.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop your main points with more detailed and in-depth explanations. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea followed by supporting evidence or examples. Although you touched upon some reasons why reading is beneficial, more elaboration would strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
To achieve a high task achievement score, ensure you respond fully to the task. While you presented a clear opinion agreeing with the statement, incorporating a discussion of the counter-arguments with refutations could strengthen your response. Your essay presented one side more strongly than the other, lacking balance in the exploration of the topic.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are clear, but could be more comprehensive. Incorporate specific examples to illustrate your points, which will make your essay more convincing. While you mentioned the benefits of reading, relevant examples or references to studies could be added to support your argument.
Task Achievement
When making comparisons, use a variety of comparative structures and ensure to include specific and concrete examples to support your points. This will not only enrich your essay but also show a range of language skills and a deeper understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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