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Band 4.5

Research has show that the transpotation of products are the main source of pollution. Some people believe that the governmant should be in charge of this, while others believe that it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#research #show #transpotation #products #source #pollution #people #governmant #charge #fault #individuals
It has
proven
Add a missing verb
been proven
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 that transporting goods is the main reason for
environmantal
Correct your spelling
environmental
pollution
. Part of the society thinks
this
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 a responsibility of the
governmant
Correct your spelling
government
while
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 part believes each and every single human must hold
the
Correct article usage
apply
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responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
matter
.
This
eassy
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essay
easy
 will discuss these opinions and state
the
Remove the article
apply
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my opinion. Currently, environmental
pollution
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a globalized
matter
. It is a
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 fact that, as a responsible figure the government must pay more attention
on
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to
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this
 situation. Because the government holds the
leagal
Correct your spelling
legal
 power to everything and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can control the citizens by limiting their actions.
Furthermore
, if the government introduce more
rules
 and regulations against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transporting goods and
limit
Correct subject-verb agreement
limits
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 their actions, that can
deduct
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
these
Change the determiner
this pollution
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pollution
 easily.
For example
, the president of Singapore reduced
the
Correct article usage
apply
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environmental
pollution
 using
rules
 and regulations.
Nevertheless
, as
humans
Add a comma
humans,
show examples
 we
also
 have a responsibility
reguarding
Correct your spelling
regarding
this
matter
.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even
,
there
Correct word choice
though there
show examples
 were
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
rules
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 control the situation, as citizens we must be aware of the importance of safeguarding the environment.
In addition
, we must pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
matter
 to limit our travel and
transpotation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 methods for a better outcome.
For Instance
, If we use
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
one big vehicle to transport our products rather than using more small vehicles, we can limit the amount of vehicles that are exposing unwanted factors to the environment.
Moreover
, we can use smoke filters and maintain vehicles in a good way
also
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be helpful. In
concltion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
although
 the responsible authorities can create new
rules
 and regulations, as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
resposible
Correct your spelling
responsible
 citizens we must be aware of our duty. If we pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
matter
 and reduce our unwanted actions, it can create a better environment for everyone.
Submitted by darshanadnj20 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are well-organized, with a clear main idea presented at the beginning and supported by subsequent sentences. Maintain consistency in the presentation of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that the introduction and conclusion succinctly summarize the main points of discussion. Both sections should clearly frame the essay and provide a sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with specific details and examples. Avoid general statements and strive to provide concrete evidence or scenarios that back up your points.
task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the task are fully covered; all key aspects should be addressed to sufficiently meet the requirements for a comprehensive response.
task achievement
Ideas should be expressed clearly and communicated comprehensively. Work on articulating your points in a way that is easy to follow and understand for the reader.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to support your viewpoints. Examples should be specific, pertinent, and detailed enough to demonstrate a clear connection to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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