IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that excessive use of smart phones badly affects teenagers’ literacy skills. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #phones #teenagers’ #literacy #skills
Nowadays,
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
 are becoming more and more popular because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 convenience. It
also
 is extremely useful for all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 to solve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work.
However
, some people argue that young people usually use
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 negative
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their literacy skills. In my view, I partly agree with
this
 opinion. On the one hand, I think that using
mobile
Add an article
a mobile
show examples
phone
 without control,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will bring many disadvantages for users, especially
teenagers
, who don't have experience and they can
addiction
Replace the word
be addicted
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 cell
phones
. it is very dangerous for them because they will spend almost
of
Correct determiner usage
all of
show examples
 time
to see
Change the verb form
seeing
show examples
 their
phone
instead
 of writing and reading skills.
For example
, the young rarely find
documentarie
Correct your spelling
documentaries
documentary
 on mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 because they are attracted by games, music,
social
Correct word choice
and social
show examples
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 on
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.
Moreover
, they never write by
phone
.
With
Change preposition
For
show examples
 the above reasons, the literacy ability of students will not improve when they are at school.
On the other hand
, I believe that
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
 are not only an excellent invention
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
 an indispensable part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 modern life. It helps human life better because of its utilities including
teenagers
, who can quickly find specialized
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 when they
need
Correct pronoun usage
need them
show examples
. They
also
 call
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their teacher and
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 to ask
Change preposition
for lesson
show examples
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
.
For example
, students are very busy, they have to study in many places so it takes them s lot of time to transport. Mobile
phones
 are a remarkable solution for
teenagers
 because they can study online at home. In conclusion,
Smart
Correct your spelling
Smartphones
show examples
phones
 have both pros and cons and
teenagers
 should advance cell
phones
's benefits and limit their drawbacks to mobile
phones
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
becoming wonderful tools which
sever
Verb problem
serve
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by duongntt.tld on

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Coherence & Cohesion
You should ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Aim to organize your ideas into distinct paragraphs that flow naturally from introduction to conclusion. Your current structure does not sufficiently guide the reader through your discussion, making some parts disjointed and difficult to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion to frame your essay properly. While you have provided both, you should work on clearly stating your thesis in the introduction and summarizing your main points in the conclusion. This will make your argument more compelling and understandable.
Coherence & Cohesion
While you have made an attempt to support your main points, the support provided is not entirely clear or developed. Use specific examples to illustrate your arguments and expand your explanations to demonstrate how these examples support your points effectively.
Task Achievement
To fully achieve the task, you should provide a clear response to the prompt throughout your essay. While you have provided a partial response, it is important to ensure that your ideas are comprehensive and fully explore the implications of the topic.
Task Achievement
Work on developing your ideas to be more clear and comprehensive. Avoid broad statements and focus on fleshing out your thoughts with detailed analysis and clear reasoning. This will make your essay more persuasive and ensure that readers understand your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
In future essays, ensure to include relevant and specific examples that directly support your argument. Abstract or general examples may not effectively demonstrate your point. Providing concrete examples will strengthen your essay and make your ideas more convincing.
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