IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that excessive use of smart phones badly affects teenagers’ literacy skills. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, cell
phones
Use synonyms
 are becoming more and more popular because of their convenience. It
also
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 is extremely useful for all ages to solve work.
However
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, some people argue that young people usually use smartphones which can bring negative points for their literacy skills. In my view, I partly agree with
this
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 opinion. On the one hand, I think that using mobile
phones
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 without control,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will bring many disadvantages for users, especially
teenagers
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, who don't have experience and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be addicted
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 cell
phones
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. it is very dangerous for them because they will spend almost all of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
 to see their phone
instead
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 of writing and reading skills.
For example
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, the young rarely find documentaries on mobile
phones
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 because they are attracted by games, music and social networks on
Correct pronoun usage
their phone
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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.
Moreover
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, they never write by phone. For the above reasons, the literacy ability of students will not improve when they are at school.
On the other hand
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, I believe that smartphones are not only an excellent invention of humans but
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
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 an indispensable part of modern life. It helps human life better because of its utilities including
teenagers
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, who can quickly find specialized books when they
need
Correct pronoun usage
need them
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. They
also
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 call
to
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apply
show examples
their teacher and
friend
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friends
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 to ask
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for lesson
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lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
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.
For example
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, students are very busy, they have to study in many places so it takes them s lot of time to transport. Mobile
phones
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 are a remarkable solution for
teenagers
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 because they can study online at home. In conclusion, Smartphones have both pros and cons and
teenagers
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 should advance cell
phones
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's benefits and limit their drawbacks to mobile
phones
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 are becoming wonderful tools which serve their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay begins with a clear introduction that sets the context and states your position. Throughout the essay, maintain focus on the topic and continually reinforce your argument with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Construct paragraphs with clear main ideas and use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas, sentences, and paragraphs coherently.
task achievement
Provide clear topic sentences for each paragraph, followed by explanations and examples. Make sure that each example is directly linked to the core idea of the paragraph and the overall thesis of the essay.
task achievement
Make sure that the essay remains focused on the question throughout and that the arguments presented are relevant to the question. A balanced view must be clear and well-supported by relevant examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should clearly restate your position and summarise the main points you have covered in the essay.
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