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Band 1.5

essay on how you spend your winter vacation and how was winter holidays

#winter #vacation #holidays
I am thrilled to
say
Verb problem
talk
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 about my recent vacation i went to a beautiful
colastal
Correct your spelling
coastal
 island with my family Glittering sky and ,golden sand the days we
Add a hyphen
re-spent
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re
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apply
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spent
by
Change preposition
apply
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building sand castles collecting
seashellstaking
Correct your spelling
seashell staking
 refreshing dips in the ocean the sunset painted the sky in hues of orange and pink creating a breathtaking moment
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 ii cherish
for
Change preposition
apply
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Forever exploring
town
Correct article usage
the town
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 discovered
Add an article
a
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charming local market where
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 indulged in delicious cuisine and Unique souvenirs what made the vacation even more special was the chance to
trty
Correct your spelling
try
 new things I
Correct your spelling
Learned
Learnred
Correct your spelling
Learned
 to suf with the
patients
Fix the agreement mistake
patient
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instructor and felt the thrill of riding waves
Correct your spelling
additionally
additionly
Correct your spelling
additionally
 , I volunteered At a local animal shelter
i
Change the capitalization
I
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spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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 my time with the adorable
petsin
Correct your spelling
pets in
pets
 need of love and care
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure, which is critical in the IELTS exam. It's essential to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and develop that idea with examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are crucial elements of an IELTS essay. Your piece lacks these, which affects the completeness of your answer. Ensure you begin with an introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement, and finish with a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your position.
task achievement
Your use of examples is relevant but your main points lack sufficient development. To improve, support each main point with a clear explanation, more detailed examples, and evidence or reasons where appropriate. This demonstrates your ability to discuss ideas fully and effectively.
task achievement
Your response covers the task but is somewhat limited in clarity and comprehensive ideas. Consider expanding on your ideas by explaining what made your experiences memorable or significant to you, and how they affected you personally, which will engage the reader more and demonstrate your ability to reflect on personal experiences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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