IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that climate has the greatest effect on people's way of life. Other believe that the economy of the region has the greatest effect. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

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A number of
people
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 think that
climate
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 is the most
an
Correct article usage
apply
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important factor in the way
people
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 live.
However
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, others think the local
economy
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 is a major factor. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and I give you my opinion. On the one hand,
climate
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 can affect
people
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's meals and their occupations. Because it survives in every
climate
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 situation. For the more, most individuals in some places are
people
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 can not able to grow foods like vegetables on wether.
For instance
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, growing plants in major cases in water. some
countries
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' summer climates don't have much water. They can not grow plants. It affects not only plants but
also
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 affect animals like fish. Another reason is that
people
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 choose their careers
according to
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 the weather. Some individuals choose fishing as a career if they live near the jungle.
Moreover
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, like a woodcutter, they choose their career to earn money.
On the other hand
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, the living situation of
people
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 can affect the
economy
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. If the
economy
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 of the country is higher
than
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then
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 it comes to whether
they
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it
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 can change and provide its requirements for citizens.
For example
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, Dubai is one of the hottest
countries
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 but
although
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 they have fuel. But they had huge weather. Today most
the
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of the
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 population lives in a luxurious lifestyle.
Moreover
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, they can develop
countries
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 with Goble economies that have young workers with good education systems. If the
economy
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 of
countries
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 is good if they can provide better education
as well as
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 more
people
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 will succeed in their jobs.
Therefore
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, the
economy
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 of the country
well
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will
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 increase. In conclusion,
although
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 the
climate
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 affects
people
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's foods and their occupations.
Therefore
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 I believe that the
economy
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 of the country is more and more key.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure, making it difficult to follow your arguments. Organize your thoughts clearly with distinct paragraphs for each view and your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay are not effectively articulated. Both should clearly present the topic and your overall view in a relevant way.
coherence cohesion
You need to support your main points with specific examples and elaborations to make your arguments convincing. Avoid general statements and strive for clarity and depth of analysis.
task achievement
While you have tried to respond to the essay prompt, your arguments are not fully developed. Ensure that you explore both views and your opinion comprehensively, with clear explanations and appropriate examples.
task achievement
The clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas need improvement. Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that everything you include in your essay directly relates to and supports the topic.
task achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples is crucial for a convincing essay. Make sure the examples you include are directly relevant to the arguments you are making and that they effectively support your point of view.
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