Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The authorities nowadays are concerned about economic
growth
as it has an essential role
to take power globally and expand their national interactions. Many have argued that society’s development is related to various aspects of progress. I completely agree that other edges of a community such
as cultural and social awareness, technology and the quality of life should have take
priority or at least be considered at the same level of importance.
On the one hand, those who support the high priority of economic Change the verb form
taken
growth
point to the essential role
of financial resources in improving infrastructure
of a country. Add an article
the infrastructure
For example
, transportation systems and civil facilitations are costly expenditures, therefore
, having enough financial resources will increase the quality of services. A further
argument mentions the costly process of supply and food fulfillment
in societies. As overpopulation and overconsumption Change the spelling
fulfilment
is
increasing worldwide, those governments who are not able to afford Change the verb form
are
purchasing
Change the verb form
to purchase
foods
and other needs like drugsFix the agreement mistake
food
,
will suffer from chronic starvation and diseases.
Remove the comma
apply
By contrast
, supporters of the important role
of other activities believe that an
unreasonable attention to progressing economically leads to some problems Remove the article
apply
such
as environmental degradation, wealth diversity and neglect of cultural and social growth
. Firstly
, social equality is one of the features of a developed country. Meaning
that the resources and services should be available for all groups, Wrong verb form
This means
thus
, providing job opportunities, free education, and healthcare treatments should be the aims of a progressed government. Furthermore
, the preservation of historical and cultural heritage has an effective role
in improving society and strengthening the feeling of belonging and harmony in society as these provoke a sense of identity among people. This
leads to improving social bonds and diversity.
In conclusion, although
economic growth
is not the only factor of prosperity, the importance of financial support for improving other parts of society is inevitable. In my point of view, the accessibility of services for all groups and the protection of cultural heritage have the same effect on a nation’s success.Submitted by soltaninejad_sahel on
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task achievement
The essay would benefit from a clearer introductory paragraph that outlines the writer's position more distinctly. While a stance is discernible, articulating it in relation to the prompt would enhance the essay's focus.
task achievement
Consider expanding on examples provided to illustrate the points made. While the essay mentions transportation systems, food supply, and cultural heritage, these concepts could be transformed into fully-fledged examples to substantiate arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure a logical flow between ideas and paragraphs by using a wider range of cohesive devices and transition phrases. This will make the essay easier to follow and the argument progression more clear.
coherence cohesion
Careful attention must be paid to sentence structures. Avoid fragmented sentences and ensure that punctuation is used correctly to maintain the coherence of arguments within each paragraph.