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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

This graphs shows the types of activities done by the elderly people in their free time from 1980s to the present in the United states.

This graphs shows the types of activities done by the elderly people in their free time from 1980s to the present in the United states.
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The line graph provides information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
laisure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
Use synonyms
 for five types of
activities
Use synonyms
 in the United States between 1980 and nowadays.
Overall
Linking Words
, the free
time
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 rates of
watchng
Correct your spelling
watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
, surfing the internet and reading showed
a
Change the article
an
show examples
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
. Hiking had a rose over the
period
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the theatre showed a
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
drop
 over the
period
Use synonyms
. In 1980 the free
time
Use synonyms
 percentages of Surfing the internet, reading and watching tv  were nearly almost 10% , 30% and 60% respectively. Surfing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 rate
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
incrised
Correct your spelling
increased
incised
 sharply throughout the
period
Use synonyms
 with 50%
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
period
Use synonyms
. in the meantime , the percentual of free
time
Use synonyms
 of watching tv it was the most popular in
Change the article
the tge
show examples
tge
Correct your spelling
the
 year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1980
startimg
Correct your spelling
starting
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 60%
also
Linking Words
 during
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the
period
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a rose
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and had a peak in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 70% after that had a declined arriving at almost 65%.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand,
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
activitie
Correct your spelling
activity
 of hiking how had during the all
period
Use synonyms
 a rocket rose up to 80% at the
and
Correct your spelling
end
show examples
 of the
period
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 had
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 overtook in
Correct your spelling
comparison
comparation
Correct your spelling
comparison
 with the other
activities
Use synonyms
 In early 1980 the
activities
Use synonyms
 of theatre it was the second most popular at the
beggining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the year, during the all
period
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a fall arriving
almost
Change preposition
at almost
show examples
 45%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, at the end".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, activities, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Elderly
  • Recreation
  • Leisure time
  • Hobbies
  • Physical fitness
  • Passive entertainment
  • Social engagement
  • Technology adoption
  • Lifestyle changes
  • Demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Time period
  • Comparative analysis
  • Health care advancements
  • Retirement lifestyle
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