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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Topic 2: Some peole think the government should focus on improving the economy of the country. Other people think that government should focus on social services such as health and education programs. Which statement do you agree with? Explain and provide examples to support your opinion.

#topic #peole #government #focus #economy #country #people #services #health #education #programs #support
Although
 many
people
 think that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should focus on improving the economy of the nation, others say they should rather try to improve social
services
. It is agreed that
central
Correct article usage
the central
show examples
government
 should strongly focus on two vital
services
; they should provide better education
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 for teenagers and special treatment plans for retired
people
. To start with the first service of education service should be improvised better way by the politics for the upcoming generation. The
government
 should provide a garden to do yoga classes with gymnastics equipment
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a discount price
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in order to
get on improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 the subject optional choices namely aerodynamics and artificial
intelligent
Replace the word
intelligence
show examples
 chapters
related
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
For example
, in recent article claims that 60% of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
gained knowledge immensely by accessing
such
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
services
 by the
recent
Change the word
recently
show examples
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
 member of parliament in India.
However
, the
government
 ought to improve a scheme for pensioners to access more
health
 benefits.
The
Correct determiner usage
Those
show examples
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
70 plus can get a stick and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
wheelchair with
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 features of A.I. so that they can survive independently to improve their
health
realted
Correct your spelling
related
 issues and regular check-ups nurse provide for their
surveliance
Correct your spelling
surveillance
 and physical
health
safetly
Correct your spelling
safety
safely
 reason.
For instance
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the newspaper of Canada, mentioned
advertisement
Correct article usage
an advertisement
show examples
 about the latest party imposing a better
health
 facility for old
people
 in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2024. In conclusion, it is
fact
Correct article usage
a fact
show examples
 that
health
 and education subjects are important for the
government
 to provide better
services
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In my opinion, it would be
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 factor for the
government
 to focus deeply
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
eduction
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
 programmes and retirement schemes for all older
people
.
Submitted by patelhardik2199 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that your ideas logically flow from one paragraph to the next and that each paragraph has a clear central idea. Use cohesive devices, such as conjunctions, synonyms, and pronouns, effectively to improve the reader's understanding.
Task Achievement
To address the task achievement criterion, ensure you fully respond to all parts of the question and present a clear position throughout your response. Develop your main ideas thoroughly and support them with specific examples where possible.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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