OPIC: In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative?
In recent decades, there have been significant changes in the family structure,
such
as fewer members in a family and the definition of family members extending to non-humans. In my view, because of the changes in family structures, citizens
will have fewer connections with each other, which is negative. However
, people
will bond new intimacy with non-humans, which can shed light on animal ethics and is therefore
positive.
On the one hand, families are becoming more concise, which to some extent weakens the
communication and intimacy among Correct article usage
apply
people
. In the past, one family was comprised of different generations. Nowadays, however
, once youngsters grow up, get married and start a new family, they will move out to live somewhere else. As a result
, the youngsters' aging
parents are not living with their children and grandchildren. They have to take care of themselves despite all the inconvenience brought by their deteriorating physical health and degrading body functions, which can become a threat to the elderly's safety, because accidents, Change the spelling
ageing
such
as falling off the stairs, are likely to occur. Besides
the safety issues, it is unavoidable that the elderly will feel lonely easily, because hardly can they have communications with their children and grandchildren, which can not only be detrimental to the senior citizens
' mental well-being,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
widen the generation gap, which is huge already.
On the other hand
, it is worth noticing that people
are starting to accept non-humans as their family members. For example
, some couples may shun away from the idea of giving birth to a human child, yet they adopt a pet and raise it as their child. Usually
the pets will be treated very well, because their "parents" will be quite sensitive towards their needs, both mentally and physically. The "parents" will take the pets to see a vet whenever something is wrong, and they will Add a comma
Usually,
also
make sure that the pets are participating in a series of entertaining, health-benefitting activities. In my opinion, it is inspirational as it suggests that animal rights also
matter, which can appeal more
Change preposition
to more
people
to be kind to animals, and therefore
contribute to the development of animal ethics.
In conclusion, changes in family structures can weaken the communication between human beings, especially that
between senior Correct word choice
apply
citizens
and junior citizens
, yet strenthen
the interaction between human beings and animals.Correct your spelling
strengthen
strengthens
Submitted by asllchkied on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The essay should have clear paragraphs with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The body paragraphs should be structured in such a way that they discuss each main point at length with adequate support. The conclusion needs to summarize the arguments without introducing new ones, and the prompt's task was not fully met with the omission of a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay's ideas are generally clear, but they lack depth and a variety of examples or explanations. Ensure that you develop your main points by expanding on them with detailed support, providing specific examples, and examining both sides of the issue where appropriate.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.