Violence in playgrounds is increasing. However, it is important that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays, Violence when still
children
is increasing, therefore
, parents
should be very careful to teach their offspring not to hit back at bullies. I will provide a clear example from my knowledge or experience about this
topic.
There are many reasons why children
are now so aggressive compared to in the past. Firstly
, the media
and the internet
have had more negative impacts on children
, such
as videos of fighting with their parents
or videos about physical abuse from the internet
. This
media
will cause the children
to become more aggressive because they will memorize those actions from the media
, and they will try to do the same things. Therefore
, parents
should take care of their children
to avoid bad media
on the internet
. Secondly
, the factor that causes the offspring to be more violent is the children
's lack of love from their parents
. If the children
feel lacking love from their family, they will show severe behavior
to society. Change the spelling
behaviour
For instance
, violence toward other children
in the playground in order to call for attention from others or their parents
, although
those kinds of expressions will cause harm to others.
To conclude
, there are many factors to be considered for the family to take care of their children
and not to make their offspring harsh to others and society, such
as physical abuse from the internet
or lacking love from the family.Submitted by boatakrawin on
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task achievement
While the essay does a good job of addressing the topic, it would benefit from more specific examples that clearly illustrate the points made. Personal anecdotes or specific instances of media influence and lack of parental attention resulting in violence would strengthen the response.
task achievement
The essay should aim for a more comprehensive response by discussing the suggestion that parents should teach children not to hit back at bullies. The current focus is more on the causes of children's aggression rather than the argument against hitting back.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph logically follows from the previous one. Phrases that clearly link ideas between paragraphs will help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that sentences within paragraphs are logically connected. This can be improved by expanding on each point slightly more.
structure
The essay includes an appropriate introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the argument and rounding off the discussion.
task content
The main points are relevant and address some aspects of the prompt, such as the role of media and parental neglect in children's aggression.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion