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Band 2.5

People should be atleast 21 years before they are allowed to drive a car .To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #atleast #years #drive #car
It is agreed that in order to get permission to
drive
 a car,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 individuals should attain the minimum
age
 of 21.The teenagers
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 several
accidents
 because of their maturity and rash driving .Most
18 years old
Correct your spelling
18-year-olds
are fast and prone to
cause
Verb problem
apply
show examples
accidents
. Raising the driving
age
 to 21 makes
road
Fix the agreement mistake
roads
show examples
 safer.Since teenagers are quite immature ,there is always the fear of rash driving when they get behind the wheel.Studies
also shown
Add the auxiliary verb
have also shown
showed
show examples
 that most
accidents
 are caused by careless teenage drivers.By the time people reach the
age
21
Change preposition
of 21
show examples
 years ,they start understanding that their negligent driving might lead to
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of their or someone's life.
Therefore
,after understanding the disastrous consequences of irresponsible driving,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 people
drive
 cars more
safetly
Correct your spelling
safely
safety
. A study conducted by
Correct article usage
the traffic
show examples
traffic department
Correct your spelling
Traffic Department
show examples
 of Japan revealed that 10 percent decline in
accidents
 after upgrading the minimum
age
 of driving from 18 to 21 years.
Besides
, making certain rules that the drivers on the roads are mature
increasing
Correct word choice
and increasing
show examples
 the minimum
age
drive
 curtails traffic problems.
This
 law will make a huge section of young people ineligible to
drive
 on the road. It reduces the high level of pollution.
To conclude
, increasing the
age
 from 18 to 21 makes
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 environment and avoids prone to
accidents
.
This
 move might have
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 the traffic and a proper idea to reduce rash driving and
improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
show examples
 more adult driving
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure paragraphs follow a clear and logical structure, with each paragraph containing one main idea that is well-developed and supported.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve cohesion and make the relationships between sentences and paragraphs clearer.
task achievement
Fully develop your main points with detailed and specific examples. Avoid general statements that are not clearly supported by evidence.
task achievement
Work on paraphrasing the task question effectively in your introduction and offer a clearer stance that is consistently maintained throughout the essay.
task achievement
Ensure the conclusion summarizes the main points of the essay and re-states your position clearly, without introducing new information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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