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Band 3

Some people think that increasing business and cultural contacts worldwide have positive influences on development; others think that they have negative effects on national identities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #business #contacts #influences #development #effects #identities
In some countries
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 believe that the power of global connection in both trading and customs prospects
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 advantages for countries’ improvement. There are many downsides to
this
 perspective, but in my experience, I totally agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
overall
 it has had
a benefits
Correct the article-noun agreement
a benefit
benefits
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 on commerce.
This
 essay explains the positive and negative aspects
for
Change preposition
of
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 buying and selling and
also
 shows
my
Change the pronoun
I
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 strongly agree with them. Nowadays, businessmen and employees in occupation
flields
Correct your spelling
fields
require
Wrong verb form
are required
show examples
 to communicate
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 clients, suppliers, and
also
 accompanies in several countries around the globe. international links are significantly important to
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 a lot of new opportunities.
For example
,
in particular
,
import-export
Add an article
the import-export
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 industry has led to
gain
Verb problem
apply
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higher revenues in many overseas because Contacting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various suppliers
makes
Verb problem
gives
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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entrepreneur
Fix the agreement mistake
entrepreneurs
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have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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stronger
negotiate
Change the form of the verb
negotiating
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 power and they are likely to receive good quality products with lower costs;
then
, they can get higher margins and profits from selling.
However
, others feel that there are several drawbacks
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the worldwide contacts. They are quite conservative and difficult to accept the modern scheme.
For example
, they believe that
interfering
Replace the word
interference
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 from foreigners brings the loss of national identities
particulary
Correct your spelling
particularly
particular
 cultural
prospect
Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
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.
Consequently
,different beliefs and ethnics from other countries can change people’s way of thinking which
direct
Verb problem
leads
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 to the merging of original nationality cultures. In conclusion, In my experience, I totally agree that the key to success in trading and civilization is reporting and it
also
 has a wide variety of
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 for the
overall
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 evolution and financial resources.
Submitted by sasi.jariyasirikul on

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly paraphrase the question and outline both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion. Your conclusion should summarize the key points discussed and reiterate your own stance, providing a sense of closure and completeness to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure the logical flow of ideas by organizing your paragraphs clearly with topic sentences, and by using cohesive devices (linking words, referential language, etc.) appropriately. Avoid abrupt shifts in topics and strive for smooth transitions between ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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