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Band 3.5

pie charts about books sale in a store by category

#books #sale #store #category
The pie charts illustrate the percentage of five types of
books
 sold by a bookseller in 1972, 1992, and 2012.
Overall
, a general downward sale was observed for
biography
 and non-classified
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
books
 with the exception of
travel
 ones throughout
this
 period. What is more,
Adult
fiction
 was the highest, followed by children’s
fiction
 between 1992-2012.
To begin
, in 1972, non-classified other
fictions
Fix the agreement mistake
fiction
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the highest at 25%, followed by
adult
fiction
, children’s
fiction
, and
Biography
 at 20% each.
However
, the lowest type was
travel
 at 15% of the
overall
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
.
On the other hand
, in 1992,
Adult
fiction
 overtook
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 non-classified ones to be the highest at 25% for the former and at 20% for the latter.
Similarly
, children’s
books sale
Fix the agreement mistake
book sales
show examples
 experienced a significant climb to 22%
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and was the second highest
as a result
.
While
,
travel
books
 showed a
considerably
Change the adverb
considerable
show examples
 increase to 18%, compared to a
sharply
Change the adverb
sharp
show examples
 reduction
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 15% for
biography
Fix the agreement mistake
biographies
show examples
.
However
,
Adult
fiction
 consistently surged to 45% in 2012 and remained the highest.
Likewise
,
children
Correct article usage
the children
show examples
 type showed a slight rise to 25%.
Coversely
Correct your spelling
Conversely
, an
overall
 downward trend was observed for non-classified other types,
travel
, and
biography
 at 12%, 10%, and 8% respectively.
Submitted by ototonji.ot on

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introduction/conclusion
Your introduction provides a good overview, but it would be enhanced by clearly specifying the categories of books rather than saying 'five types'. Furthermore, an actual conclusion summarizing the main trends would improve your score.
supported main points
Ensure that all the main points are fully elaborated. Additionally, pay attention to the accuracy of your data descriptions, as some percentages appear to be inconsistent with the trends described.
clear/comprehensive ideas
You've responded well to the task with a complete response and clear, comprehensive ideas. However, more specific data and a better range of vocabulary would demonstrate a higher level of English.
logical structure
Your logical structure is generally clear, with a logical flow from one paragraph to another. However, the transitions between the points could be smoother, and there are some issues with repeating words that could be addressed with synonyms for variety.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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