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Writing Samples
Band 7

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
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The line graphs illustrate data about the average monthly spending of British parents on the
sports
Use synonyms
 of their
children
Use synonyms
, and
also
Linking Words
 the number of participants in three different
sports
Use synonyms
 fields including Football,
Athletics
Use synonyms
 and Swimming over the six-year period between 2008 and 2014.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the average amount of money spent on
children
Use synonyms
’s
sports
Use synonyms
 in Britain witnessed an upward trend.
Also
Linking Words
, the number of
children
Use synonyms
 who participated in all the
sports
Use synonyms
 fields mentioned rose. In 2008, almost 8
million
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 took part in Football,
while
Linking Words
 only about 2
million
Use synonyms
 and 0.5
million
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 participated in Swimming and
Athletics
Use synonyms
, respectively. Having remained stable at the same amount, the figure for kids' participation in Football
then
Linking Words
 went up slightly reaching 9
million
Use synonyms
 in 2014. On average, the monthly expense of the
sports
Use synonyms
 of British
children
Use synonyms
 was nearly 20 pounds and
then
Linking Words
 increased steadily by twelve pounds in 2014. Regarding
children
Use synonyms
 who participated in
Athletics
Use synonyms
 courses, it remained stable until 2010, and by 2012, it had leapfrogged the figure for participants in Swimming and peaked at 5
million
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
. Despite the slight fall,
Athletics
Use synonyms
 was a more popular
sports
Use synonyms
 option for
children
Use synonyms
 than Swimming at 4
million
Use synonyms
.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sports, children, athletics, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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