IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe governments should spend more money on improving roads and highways, while some think money should be spent improving public transportation, such as buses, trains, and subways. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion.

#believe #governments #money #roads #highways #think #transportation #buses #trains #subways #points
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 think governments should invest more
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 improving
roads
Use synonyms
 and
highways
Use synonyms
. Whilst, others think it should be spent on improvement of public
transportation
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
both
Use synonyms
people' s
Change noun form
people's
show examples
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 and give my own opinion
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 each.
People
Use synonyms
 who believe
governments
Change the noun form
government
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 should be spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 improving
roads
Use synonyms
 and
highways
Use synonyms
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 lack of
roads
Use synonyms
 and
highways
Use synonyms
 can create more problems
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 traffic
as well as
Linking Words
accidents
Use synonyms
. Because of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of road facilities
people
Use synonyms
 are forced to
travel
Use synonyms
 through more uncomfortable traffic
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 which leads to more
accidents
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, cities which have lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
roads
Use synonyms
 and
highways
Use synonyms
 face
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 percentage of
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everyday possible and
probability
Correct article usage
the probability
show examples
 of
increase
Add an article
an increase
show examples
 in morality
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 a concern because of unexpected
accidents
Use synonyms
 and crashes.
Whereas
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 believe as much
money
Use synonyms
 should
be invest
Change the verb form
be invested
be investing
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 improving public
transportation
Use synonyms
 which
are
Verb problem
includes
show examples
 buses, trains and Subways. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 helps
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who are not
affordable
Correct word choice
able
show examples
 to
travel
Use synonyms
 by their own
transportation
Use synonyms
. They are more dependent on
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
 public
travel
Use synonyms
 facilities for their needs
such
Linking Words
 as
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to work,
to
Correct word choice
and to
show examples
 schools .
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
 in
country
Add an article
a country
show examples
 like India
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
mostly
travel
Use synonyms
 through public
transportation
Use synonyms
 rather than on their own
transportation
Use synonyms
 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 most of them are not able to meet the cost fair. In conclusion, some believe
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
spent
Wrong verb form
should spend
show examples
 more
money
Use synonyms
 on improving
roads
Use synonyms
 and
highways
Use synonyms
 because of its consequences like traffic and road
accidents
Use synonyms
.
Whilst some
Correct word choice
Some
show examples
 think
money
Use synonyms
 should be spent on
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
 of public
transportation
Use synonyms
 because it fulfills the needs of struggling
people
Use synonyms
 who are not
affordable
Correct word choice
able
show examples
 to
travel
Use synonyms
 by their own vehicles.
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the points of discussion. While your introduction is present, it could be more effectively structured by immediately establishing a clear overview of the perspectives you will discuss, followed by your thesis statement.
Main points
Your main body paragraphs should start with a clear topic sentence that states the main point. Follow this with supporting details and examples. Your current paragraphs lack clearly defined topic sentences and the supporting evidence is not fully developed, affecting task achievement. Work to expand and detail your supporting examples for stronger task response.
Coherence and cohesion
Make use of a range of conjunctions and cohesive devices to better link ideas between and within paragraphs. This essay exhibits a basic application of coherence but can greatly benefit from more complex structures that would improve the flow and readability.
Task response
Achieving a higher score requires fully responding to all parts of the prompt. This includes discussing both views and giving your own opinion. In your essay, clearly state your personal stance and ensure it's consistently referenced throughout the essay. Your conclusion should also clearly reflect this.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: