IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some countries invest a significant amount of money in promoting the use of bicycles. why do you think this is the case? Does it have a positive or negative impact on individuals and the society?

#countries #amount #money #bicycles #case #impact #individuals #society
Nowadays, part of the world is creating a trend of riding
bicycles
. The most
evidant
Correct your spelling
evident
 reason for
this
can be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental
pollution
 which is
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 more
prominant
Correct your spelling
prominent
 matter in the world. And I believe
this
 can create a positive impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society without a doubt. Increasing environmental
pollution
 is becoming a huge problem in the society. Most
reaserchers
Correct your spelling
researchers
also
 already found that the main cause for
this
 was using motor vehicles. The smoke that
creates
Wrong verb form
is created
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 these vehicles
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
pollution
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 percentage. If the usage of vehicles can be reduced, the air can be more breathable to the citizens.
Due to
this
 fact, some countries promote
bicycle
 usage in their day-to-day life.
For instance
, Japan raised vehicle parking
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 to encourage
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
bicycles
.
As a result
 today Japan
had been
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 reduced their environmental
pollution
.
Furthermore
, using
bicycles
 can build healthy
people
.
Significant
Add an article
A significant
show examples
amount
 of middle age
people
 are now suffering from non-communicable diseases. To reduce the
amount
 that patients need some
excersices
Correct your spelling
exercises
 to burn their unwanted calories.
Therefore
, riding a
bicycle
 can be kind of
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best exercise for these
people
.
For example
, my mother suffered from diabetes for a long time period.
Consequently
, doctors
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 her to engage in exercises
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 burn her unwanted calories.
Hence
, she started to ride a
bicycle
 which reduced a huge
amount
 of weight and now her sugar level had become normal. In
coclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, using
bicycles
 in day-to-day life can help to reduce
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of environmental
pollution
.
On the other hand
, it benefits us
a
Change preposition
with a
show examples
healthy lifestyle.
Thus
, encouraging
people
 to use
bicycle
Fix the agreement mistake
bicycles
show examples
 can be
also
 helpful in their budgets.
Accordingly
,
this
 action can create
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 positive impact in the world.
Submitted by darshanadnj20 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure full development of your ideas throughout the essay with deeper argumentation and support with specific details.
task achievement
Work on creating clearer introductory and concluding paragraphs that effectively present and summarize the main points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs better; each should contain one clear main idea and supporting sentences that link back to the overall thesis.
coherence cohesion
Make use of a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively within and between paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: