IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

in today 's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the adavantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disavantages?

#world #people #smartphone #adavantages #disavantages
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In our contemporary world,
smartphones
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 have become ubiquitous, sparking a debate about whether their advantages outweigh the drawbacks. The convenience and connectivity offered by
smartphones
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 are undeniable assets, allowing users to stay connected, access information instantly, and enhance productivity.
However
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, concerns about
privacy
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, addiction, and societal impact warrant careful consideration. The connectivity facilitated by
smartphones
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 enables seamless communication and fosters a sense of community through social media platforms. Their portability and multifunctionality enhance productivity, making them indispensable in today's fast-paced lifestyle. Yet, the convenience of
smartphones
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 raises
privacy
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 concerns. Instances of unauthorized data access and surveillance have highlighted the vulnerability of personal information. Achieving a balance between connectivity and robust
privacy
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 protection is crucial for users and society.
Moreover
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, the addictive nature of
smartphones
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 poses challenges. Constant notifications and the allure of entertaining apps contribute to dependency, affecting productivity and mental well-being. Striking a balance between utilizing
smartphones
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 for their benefits and avoiding addictive
behaviors
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behaviours
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 requires conscious effort. Societal impacts,
such
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 as cyberbullying and the rapid spread of misinformation,
also
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 warrant attention.
While
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smartphones
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 enable global communication, they can amplify negative events, contributing to social issues. Addressing these challenges involves collective awareness and responsible smartphone use. In conclusion,
while
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smartphones
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 offer undeniable benefits, addressing
privacy
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, addiction, and societal concerns is crucial. Striking a balanced and responsible approach to smartphone use requires ongoing societal awareness and adaptation to the digital landscape.
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential for a logical structure. Ensure the essay starts with an introduction that paraphrases the task question and ends with a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points and your stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay presents main points but they need to be supported by more developed examples to effectively illustrate the arguments. Aim to include specific and relevant examples that directly support the point being made.
Task Achievement
While the essay touches on both the advantages and disadvantages of smartphone use, the response would benefit from a clearer and more direct answer to whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Make sure to explicitly state your opinion and provide a balanced argument that directly addresses the essay prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
The ideas presented are difficult to follow due to the lack of clear organization. Improve coherence by organizing the essay into clear paragraphs each containing one main idea with supporting details.
Task Achievement
The main ideas in the essay need to be more fully elaborated and clear. Work on developing each point fully, using well-structured sentences and paragraphs to convey comprehensive ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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