In today's world people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?
The population
on
all over the world tend to use something Change preposition
apply
have
more Wrong verb form
that has
advantage
for them and convenience in their Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
live
. So that Replace the word
lives
why
the Add a missing verb
is why
phone
was invented and everyone at least have
a Change the verb form
has
smartphone
in their pocket. But everything also
have
benefits and drawbacks which Change the verb form
has
this
essay will demand and lead the example to tell that profits
of owning a Correct article usage
the profits
phone
exceed the disadvantages.
The main point of benefit is that the convenience of mobile phone
is the thing which in today's world people
own it
. The mobile Correct pronoun usage
apply
give
Change the verb form
gives
user
a chance to Fix the agreement mistake
users
immediate
access Change the word
immediately
to
Change preposition
apply
the
information on the internet Correct article usage
apply
such
as news, knowledge, content, data and time updates . These things are very important for them to understand the problems over the world thourgh
watching Correct your spelling
through
news
Add an article
the news
for example
, also
data and knowledge are important with provide
Change preposition
in providing
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
to
solve the engine when it was Change preposition
with to
breakdown
. So Add an article
a breakdown
the breakdown
the
Correct article usage
apply
convenient
is a plus point for mobile Replace the word
convenience
phone
.
Another point to consider is enhanced communication. As an illustration, Fix the agreement mistake
phones
phone
give Fix the agreement mistake
phones
user
various a way to communicate like calls and texts and they can contact Fix the agreement mistake
users
to
their family, friends and colleagues. There Change preposition
apply
are
no doubt that Change the verb form
is
this
profit also
bring
them together and they do not have to meet face to face with a vast Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
travel
for an hour to meet each Remove the article
journey
trip
others
.
Change to a singular noun
other
Conversely
with the benefits, Add a comma
Conversely,
Add an article
the smartphone
a smartphone
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
also
bring
Change the verb form
brings
drawback
which can Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
to
Change preposition
apply
people
Change noun form
people's
life
. The most
clearest phenomenon is that the Change the adjective
apply
user
too focus on phone
will have Add an article
the phone
negative
effect Add an article
a negative
to
their health . Change preposition
on
Also
Add a comma
Also,
user
can not focus Fix the agreement mistake
users
to
their own Change preposition
on
life
and can cause the
bad Correct article usage
apply
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
to
Change preposition
in
people
Change noun form
people's
life
like Fix the agreement mistake
lives
accident
or eye strain.
Taking everything into account, Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
smartphone
brings people
life
more convenience and immediate access to information but it
Correct pronoun usage
they
also
bring disadvantage
like negative Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
effect
on Fix the agreement mistake
effects
people
but
the advantages of owning a Correct word choice
apply
smartphone
outweigh the disadvantagesSubmitted by [email protected] on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and organized structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that there is a logical sequence to your argument throughout the essay. Moreover, your introduction and conclusion should effectively set the stage for the essay and summarize the main points without introducing new information.
task achievement
Your response partially addresses the task, as you did mention some advantages and disadvantages of owning a smartphone. However, it is important to fully address the prompt by providing a balanced view with well-developed ideas supported by specific examples or explanations. Additionally, offering a clearer position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages would strengthen your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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