IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #people #computers #hindrance #help
A large group of
people
 think that new technologies like computers have more problems than advantages.
Overall
, I partly agree with
this
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the computer revolutionised our routine life and changed it for the better. On the one hand, IT technologies simplified our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 dramatically. Starting with Chat gpt and finishing with robots which help to clean houses or cars. Everyone can easily agree that
Industrial
Correct article usage
the Industrial
show examples
revolution
Capitalize word
Revolution
show examples
 and IT respectively have the same level of importance for society. Thanks to
this
 achievement in the 21st century
people
 can easily find a job and simplify their routine day. Apple, Samsung and Microsoft are companies which give jobs to over 3,000,000
people
 all over the world.
Additionally
, they pay taxes and considerably increase the economy of the country where they are located.
On the other hand
, technology
also
 has another side. First of all,
this
 industry is not complicated and has some errors or mistakes in
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 code.
For instance
, in our
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
 it is easier to steal money from your bank account than ever before or some machine can break and it will cost you more than the machine. A huge number of
people
 think that in the future artificial intelligence will grow
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
start a war against
people
. It is a terrifying plot but actually not real. We are
so
Rephrase
too
show examples
 far from
this
 to think about it.
To sum up
, considering computers and robots as a bad invention is wrong.
However
,
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are not ideal now but might in future
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 will be complete and we will not worry about them.
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task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the task. The question is about how computers could be a hindrance, but your essay focuses more on the positive aspects.
coherence cohesion
Present your ideas in a well-organised and logical structure, using clear and cohesive paragraphs. Consider using a topic sentence for each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific details and examples. General statements without supporting evidence weaken your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay, presenting your thesis and summarising your argument effectively.
none
Check your essay for grammatical accuracy and word choice to ensure clarity and sophistication of language.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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