Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

This
is true that some people are sure that civil servants should avoid harmful
sport
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sports
show examples
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
, but
other part
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another part
other parts
show examples
of
sosiety
Correct your spelling
society
thinks that individuals should have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
to
choice
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choose
show examples
any sport that they like. I am in two minds on
this
, but probably
governments
should take care of their citizens and be responsible for human lives.
Firstly
,
extrem
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extreme
sports
are very popular
above
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among
show examples
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
in
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apply
show examples
all over the world and these kinds of activity are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
huge part of
pastime
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the pastime
show examples
for
thousands
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thousands of
show examples
people.
Risk's
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Risk
show examples
lovers spend
planty
Correct your spelling
plenty
of time and
enormous
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an enormous
the enormous
show examples
amount
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amounts
show examples
of money to feel
freadom
Correct your spelling
freedom
and to try
themselfs
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themselves
show examples
as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
brave and strong
persons
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people
show examples
.
For instance
, in my country
such
sports
as rock jumping, mountain
cyicling
Correct your spelling
cycling
and BMX are very popular. And even if these
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
are dangerous, young men and women are keen on it, and they are against the
governments
who
wants
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want
show examples
to ban
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
sports
.
On the other hand
, adult people always want to protect younger ones. To my point of
thinking
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thinking,
show examples
protection is
significant
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a significant
show examples
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
of human beings that we need to respect.
However
,
governments
, who try to ban dangerous
sports
, need to be more flexible, and not only say no
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
harmful
sports
,
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apply
show examples
but involve
young
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the young
show examples
generation in
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
that are not so risky. I
also
belive
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believe
show examples
that media attention can make seance
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
all
cons
Correct article usage
the cons
show examples
of
extrem
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extreme
choice,
becouse
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because
information about
number
Add an article
the number
a number
show examples
of
death
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deaths
show examples
between
exrem sportmens
Correct your spelling
extreme sportsmen
can be helpful. Summing up, the
buning
Correct your spelling
burning
buying
dangerous
sports
topic is rather
complecation
Correct your spelling
complication
and
importaint
Correct your spelling
important
issue. I suppose that
,
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apply
show examples
the
sosiety
Correct your spelling
society
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
recive
Correct your spelling
receive
more information about harmful
sports
,
while
governments
have to be more responsible in building
anouth
Correct your spelling
enough
another
common
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities.
Submitted by alexpanin on

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Task Achievement
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Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow of your ideas through improved paragraphing and topic sentences. Try to string your arguments coherently, using conjunctions and cohesive devices appropriately. Make sure each paragraph explores a central theme and that the connection between these themes is evident. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened to better signal the essay's framework at the beginning and summarize key points at the end.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
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