Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
This
is true that some people are sure that civil servants should avoid harmful sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
activites
, but Correct your spelling
activities
other part
of Change the wording
another part
other parts
sosiety
thinks that individuals should have Correct your spelling
society
freedom
to Add an article
the freedom
choice
any sport that they like. I am in two minds on Replace the word
choose
this
, but probably governments
should take care of their citizens and be responsible for human lives.
Firstly
, extrem
Correct your spelling
extreme
sports
are very popular above
Change preposition
among
young
generation Correct article usage
the young
in
all over the world and these kinds of activity are Change preposition
apply
the
huge part of Correct article usage
a
pastime
for Correct article usage
the pastime
thousands
people. Add the preposition
thousands of
Risk's
lovers spend Change noun form
Risk
planty
of time and Correct your spelling
plenty
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
the enormous
amount
of money to feel Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
freadom
and to try Correct your spelling
freedom
themselfs
as Correct your spelling
themselves
a
brave and strong Correct article usage
apply
persons
. Replace the word
people
For instance
, in my country such
sports
as rock jumping, mountain cyicling
and BMX are very popular. And even if these Correct your spelling
cycling
activites
are dangerous, young men and women are keen on it, and they are against the Correct your spelling
activities
governments
who wants
to ban Change the verb form
want
this
Correct determiner usage
these
sports
.
On the other hand
, adult people always want to protect younger ones. To my point of thinking
protection is Add a comma
thinking,
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
habbit
of human beings that we need to respect. Correct your spelling
habit
However
, governments
, who try to ban dangerous sports
, need to be more flexible, and not only say no for
harmful Change preposition
to
sports
,
but involve Remove the comma
apply
young
generation in Add an article
the young
activites
that are not so risky. I Correct your spelling
activities
also
belive
that media attention can make seance Correct your spelling
believe
about
all Change preposition
of
cons
of Correct article usage
the cons
extrem
choice, Correct your spelling
extreme
becouse
information about Correct your spelling
because
number
of Add an article
the number
a number
death
between Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
exrem sportmens
can be helpful.
Summing up, the Correct your spelling
extreme sportsmen
buning
dangerous Correct your spelling
burning
buying
sports
topic is rather complecation
and Correct your spelling
complication
importaint
issue. I suppose thatCorrect your spelling
important
,
the Remove the comma
apply
sosiety
Correct your spelling
society
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
recive
more information about harmful Correct your spelling
receive
sports
, while
governments
have to be more responsible in building anouth
common Correct your spelling
enough
another
sport
facilities.Change the noun form
sports
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Task Achievement
To enhance your performance in task achievement, ensure that you directly address the prompt provided and develop your arguments fully. Present a clear opinion and consolidate that opinion with focused explanations and examples. Avoid ambiguous statements and continually refer back to the original prompt to ensure relevance.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow of your ideas through improved paragraphing and topic sentences. Try to string your arguments coherently, using conjunctions and cohesive devices appropriately. Make sure each paragraph explores a central theme and that the connection between these themes is evident. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened to better signal the essay's framework at the beginning and summarize key points at the end.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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