Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #activity

This

is true that some people are sure that civil servants should avoid harmful

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

, but

other part

Change the wording

another part

other parts

show examples

sosiety

Correct your spelling

society

thinks that individuals should have

freedom

Add an article

the freedom

show examples

choice

Replace the word

choose

show examples

any sport that they like. I am in two minds on

this

, but probably

governments

should take care of their citizens and be responsible for human lives.

Firstly

extrem

Correct your spelling

extreme

sports

are very popular

above

Change preposition

among

show examples

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation

Change preposition

apply

show examples

all over the world and these kinds of activity are

the

Correct article usage

show examples

huge part of

pastime

Correct article usage

the pastime

show examples

for

thousands

Add the preposition

thousands of

show examples

people.

Risk's

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Risk

show examples

lovers spend

planty

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plenty

of time and

enormous

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an enormous

the enormous

show examples

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

show examples

of money to feel

freadom

Correct your spelling

freedom

and to try

themselfs

Correct your spelling

themselves

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

brave and strong

persons

Replace the word

people

show examples

For instance

, in my country

such

sports

as rock jumping, mountain

cyicling

Correct your spelling

cycling

and BMX are very popular. And even if these

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

are dangerous, young men and women are keen on it, and they are against the

governments

who

wants

Change the verb form

want

show examples

to ban

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

sports

On the other hand

, adult people always want to protect younger ones. To my point of

thinking

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thinking,

show examples

protection is

significant

Correct article usage

a significant

show examples

habbit

Correct your spelling

habit

of human beings that we need to respect.

However

governments

, who try to ban dangerous

sports

, need to be more flexible, and not only say no

for

Change preposition

show examples

harmful

sports

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but involve

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

generation in

activites

Correct your spelling

activities

that are not so risky. I

also

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

that media attention can make seance

about

Change preposition

show examples

all

cons

Correct article usage

the cons

show examples

extrem

Correct your spelling

extreme

choice,

becouse

Correct your spelling

because

information about

number

Add an article

the number

a number

show examples

death

Fix the agreement mistake

deaths

show examples

between

exrem sportmens

Correct your spelling

extreme sportsmen

can be helpful. Summing up, the

buning

Correct your spelling

burning

buying

dangerous

sports

topic is rather

complecation

Correct your spelling

complication

and

importaint

Correct your spelling

important

issue. I suppose that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the

sosiety

Correct your spelling

society

need

Correct subject-verb agreement

needs

show examples

recive

Correct your spelling

receive

more information about harmful

sports

while

governments

have to be more responsible in building

anouth

Correct your spelling

enough

another

common

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

facilities.

Submitted by alexpanin on Tue Jan 09 2024

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Task Achievement

To enhance your performance in task achievement, ensure that you directly address the prompt provided and develop your arguments fully. Present a clear opinion and consolidate that opinion with focused explanations and examples. Avoid ambiguous statements and continually refer back to the original prompt to ensure relevance.

Coherence and Cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow of your ideas through improved paragraphing and topic sentences. Try to string your arguments coherently, using conjunctions and cohesive devices appropriately. Make sure each paragraph explores a central theme and that the connection between these themes is evident. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened to better signal the essay's framework at the beginning and summarize key points at the end.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
49Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

278 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

severe injuries
fatalities
base jumping
bull running
extreme skiing
safeguard
well-being
regulating
avoidable harm
healthcare costs
burdening
personal freedom
autonomy
training
equipment
mitigated
personal satisfaction
mental health benefits
resilience
adventure
assess risks
public safety
unnecessary healthcare costs
outright bans
balanced approach
stringent safety standards
mandatory training sessions
adequately informed
safeguarding
public health

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Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The efficientfunctioning o f society is based on rules and laws. Society would not function well if individuals were free to do whatever they wanted. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that robots will replace classroom teacher in the near future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, more money is spent on transport system in the cities. In contrast, very little is spent in rural areas. What are the effect of this and what can be done to solve this problem.

Some parents guide their children's education towards specific careers, such as in engineering, medicine, or law. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child who has this kind of parental guidance?