some people think that the development of technology help to decrease crime and other people think that would encourage crime to discuss both views and give your opinion.
Technology
has flourished by leaps and bounds in everyday people's lives. While
some express that the crime rate is diminished by the development
of technology
, others say that the technology
would provoke offence
. This
essay discusses both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the former opinion for the following reasons.
To begin
with, the development
of technology
helps to reduce the crime rate by surveillance cameras
. Today this
camera is installed everywhere not only public
places but Change preposition
in public
also
the common people's houses, in order to
criminals Change preposition
for to
have
more afraid Verb problem
be
these
Change preposition
of these
technology
devices because it
record videos and Correct pronoun usage
they
criminals
Change noun form
criminals'
criminal's
face
can easily register. Correct subject-verb agreement
faces
For example
, a survey conducted by the Times of India said that the offence
ratio
has been diminished from 80% to 60% after installing cameras
. To be more precise, the advanced technology
prevents the
crime before happens and it gives Correct article usage
apply
alarm
to the owners to save and safe their assets. Ergo, the Correct article usage
an alarm
development
of technology
aids to diminish
the misleading Change preposition
in diminishing
ratio
.
In contrast
, the development
of technology
would increase the unlawful. Cybercrime
is
increased after Verb problem
has
development
of Correct article usage
the development
technology
because offenders can access and take people's personal details such
as bank details from
.anywhere without the victim's permission. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, the cybercrime
rate is raised
from 60% to 80% after the innovation of Verb problem
has risen
technology
. Also
, many individuals become to
Change preposition
apply
the
victims of Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
cybercrime
due to
they do not have more awareness about it. Hence
, the offence
ratio
would be increased by the innovation of technology
.
To conclude
, although
the development
of technology
helps to reduce the
misleading activities by installing Correct article usage
apply
the
surveillance Correct article usage
apply
cameras
, it would stimulate to increase the
Change preposition
in the
offence
ratio
by
Change preposition
of
cybercrime
. In my opinion, about this
, I strongly agree that the innovation of technology
helps to reduce crimes by surveillance cameras
.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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task achievement
While you have developed both sides of the argument and provided examples, each paragraph appears to have only one main idea explained at length, sometimes feeling repetitive. It is important to explore multiple points with more depth and complexity while staying on topic.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a logical structure, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant, but you may want to ensure they are clearly linked to your argument. Also, consistency in the presentation of statistics and data can strengthen your point. Instead of presenting percentages without contexts such as 'from 80% to 60%' explain the timeline or sample size to give the reader a clear understanding.
task achievement
The overall essay would benefit from a conclusion that summarises both views and your own position more effectively. The reader should be left with a clear understanding of where you stand on the issue after considering both sides.